Agree/disagree - Academic Wrt part 2 correction :) I need a 7 score. Thx :)

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Chitarra90
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Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:28 pm

Agree/disagree - Academic Wrt part 2 correction :) I need a 7 score. Thx :)

Post by Chitarra90 »

Hi :) I'm new on this blog :) I'm Paolo from Italy :)
Is there anyone who can asses my writing? I need a band 7. However, any suggestion is warmly welcomed :)


Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Innovation has come a long way during the last decade. Despite the profound improvements it has been providing, there are different concerns whether or not our lifestyle had a better quality when technology was elementary. It is totally agreed that technological knowledge has been contributing to a higher style of living. This essay will discuss firstly, that technology has made socializing easier, and secondly, that today is simpler finding directions for a place than before.

The use of social networks has been making communication more effective through the globe. People of different cultures can share their thoughts simply by posting them on a web page, or can get in touch through messages apps. Take Skype as an example, by sharing a simple nickname, people can communicate in real time with no costs all around the globe! Therefore, regional boundaries are no longer an issue for communicating.

Innovation has also been contributing to help people moving around. It is in the common eye that using smartphones for finding directions for a place is much faster than consulting a paper map. Google Map is widespread and used by people as it gives directions not only by texting the address of a place but also through vocal commands. These kinds of technologies have simplified travelling as well as given the right itinerary without any sort of mistake.

In conclusion, hi-tech is improving our life by simplifying the way people use to get in contact with throughout the world, as well as helping people moving from a place to another one. In my opinion, innovation will play a crucial role in developing a higher style of life and governments should encourage researchers by providing enough funding to make this possible.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Agree/disagree - Academic Wrt part 2 correction :) I need a 7 score. Thx :)

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hi Paolo!

The introduction is longer than the two main paragraphs - always a warning sign!

The points you make in the main paragraphs are good, but very general. For example, you mean I can now contact anyone, in an African village, instantly? Not exactly true, is it?

Also, I'm a little disappointed that, when it comes to modern tech, Google maps is your number 2, ahead of, for example, medicine, transport, education, etc.

Grammar and vocabulary are good, but when it comes to arguments, I'd hope that a uni level person could come up with something better than a) you can call your mama for free and b) you can find a restaurant.

All the best,
David
Chitarra90
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:28 pm

Re: Agree/disagree - Academic Wrt part 2 correction :) I need a 7 score. Thx :)

Post by Chitarra90 »

Thanx a lot David :)

I'll post more writings :)
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Flick
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Re: Agree/disagree - Academic Wrt part 2 correction :) I need a 7 score. Thx :)

Post by Flick »

Chitarra90 wrote: Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Innovation has come a long way during the last decade. Despite the profound improvements it has been providing, there are different concerns whether or not our lifestyle had a better quality when technology was elementary. It is totally agreed that technological advancement has been contributing to a higher style of living. This essay will discuss firstly, that technology has made socializing easier, and secondly, that today it is simpler finding directions for a place than before.

The use of social networks has been making communication more effective throughout the world. People of different cultures can share their thoughts simply by posting them on a web page, or can get in touch through messaging apps. Take Skype as an example. By sharing a simple nickname, people can communicate in real time with no costs all around the globe! Therefore, regional boundaries are no longer an issue for communicating.

Innovation has also been contributing to help people move around. It is common knowledge that using smartphones for finding directions for a place is much faster than consulting a paper map. Google Maps is widespread and used by many people as it gives directions not only by texting the address of a place but also through vocal commands. These kinds of technologies have simplified travelling as well as provided the right itinerary without any sort of mistake.

In conclusion, hi-tech is improving our life by simplifying the way people get in contact with one another throughout the world, as well as helping people travel from place to place. In my opinion, innovation will play a crucial role in developing a higher style of life and governments should encourage researchers by providing enough funding to make this possible.
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