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David.IELTS.Examiner please assess this

Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2016 6:52 pm
by midokenawi
Is animal testing necessary? discuss both opinions and give yours

Medical experiments on animals have been very debatable issue in recent time. Many argue that man has the free hand to use animal for food, entertainment and even medical purposes. Although, animal rights groups refute this because testing animal is unethical. This essay will discuss both points of view before drawing a reasoned opinion.
On the one hand, the opponents of animal testing claimed that most of the medical testing laboratories are for cosmetic products such as, skin cream and lipstick. This is considered unmoral because we should not pained living things for unreliable causes. As many researches said that animals suffer from pain and lost like human. Thus, it is clear that testing animal is unethical and should be banned because of inducing pain to them for human accessories.
On the other hand, it is generally accepted that human has the opportunity to exploit anything on the earth to improve his life and of course health improvement is on the top list. First of all, some mammals have very identical organs like human being. For instance, pig’s heart has the same shape and structure of the human’s one. This has provided fantastic chance to generate heart from cell mutation implanted in pigs and then use it in cardiac surgery after full maturation. In addition, governments and the public could not accept to practice medicine on human in the first trial without clear evidence that it is safe on animals. Though, medical progression would be held for unpractical reasons.

In conclusion, animal testing is mandatory for medicine improvement. However, governments and research authorities ought to employ certain rules to prevent animal testing for unnecessary products.

Re: David.IELTS.Examiner please assess this

Posted: Fri Feb 12, 2016 6:45 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

First main paragraph - From the arguments you have presented, it is not clear that animal testing should be banned. Unreliable causes is unclear.

Second main paragraph - Better, but unpractical purposes is unclear.

Conclusion - In the first paragraph, you wrote that animal testing should be banned. Now you say it is mandatory. Note that in the last sentence of the first paragraph you did not specifically mention cosmetics testing!

Remember to be specific throughout an essay. In this essay, a lack of clarity makes arguments weaker. Being specific is helped by using correct vocabulary and a suitable range of grammatical structures.

All the best,
David