Hi, could you please read my first ever writing task 2?

[josecastrogomes]

I took 27 minutes to finish it.
Thank you.
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.


That has been a heated debate since the world dove into this speed-dominated new era, begun especially in twentieth century. Personally I consider there are arguments for both thoughts. Because of this I am poised to understand equilibrium as the key-word for this discussion.
In a world where people are demanded to do everything in the best way and in the as short as possible time, I tend to think that it is healthy to use free-time moments to have brain doing soft activities, the ones that do not demand much concentration from it. I refer at this point to gathering with friends and family, taking pets to ride and doing some sports that pleasure. This way you are able to set your brain free to be ready to do activities that usually demand concentration from it in a better way.
But it is relevant to point out that, because of the great amount of things we are daily demanded to do and the need to do them as fast as possible, people are at risk to do all their obligations without internalizing the learning and meaning those activities can give them. In this kind of situation your brain acts like reproducing automatically all the orders it receives. This puts it at risk of not being correctly stimulated. That context makes me assess that during leisure times definitely it is important to doing activities that can properly stimulate brain, as the above-mentioned word puzzles and also learning a foreign language.
All said, I believe the best way to use free time to healthily treat our minds is balancing moments when you can rest your brain and do activities that can stimulate it, but always doing them without hurry or anxiousness.

[Evgenii Rodin]

Your essay does not make any sense. Go to some IELTS courses before writing IELTS essays.

[Flick]

I took 27 minutes to finish it.
Thank you.
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.


This has been a heated debate since the world dove into this speed-dominated new era, begun especially in twentieth century.(<--In your first sentence, include the topic you are discussing.) Personally I consider there are arguments for both viewpoints. Because of this I am poised to understand equilibrium as the key-word for this discussion.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

In a world where people are expected to do everything in the best way and as quickly as possible, I tend to think that it is healthy to use free-time to relax and unwind. For example, gathering with friends and family, spending time with pets, and doing sports or hobbies that you enjoy. This way you are able to set your brain free to be ready to do activities that usually demand concentration from it in a better way.

However, it is relevant to point out that, because of the great amount of things we do daily, and the need to do them as quickly as possible, people are at risk of fulfilling their obligations without internalizing the learning and meaning those activities can give them. In this kind of situation your brain acts like reproducing automatically all the orders it receives.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) This puts it at risk of not being correctly stimulated. That context proves that during leisure times it is important to do activities that can properly stimulate the brain, such as word puzzles or learning a foreign language.

In conclusion, I believe the best way to use free time to healthily treat our minds is to balance moments when you can rest your brain and do activities that can stimulate it, but always doing them without hurry or anxiousness.