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Please Assess my writing essay , the essay topic is attached

Dear Team

I would like to express my great disappointment regarding my stay in the room with my collegue and really the situation is becoming unbearable.

First of all , i need to sleep well for continous 8 hours as i should wake up early to take my 7:30 bus to my university however my collegue studies across the night which is really disturbing and interrupting my sleeping hours.

In addition of that when i come back from the college in the afternoon i find my collegue sleeping ! so i rarely can use my room in either studying or making use of my free time.

I appreciate your support to ask my collegue for exchanging his room with another collegue whose studying and sleeping hours fits me such that i can study and sleep well as the final college exams also i am suggesting make face to face meetings between the room mates in order to see if staying with each other in the same room would fit or not as the lifestyle , studying & sleeping hours of students are totally different so matching people in the same room is really important.

Thanks and waiting for your feedback

Best Regards


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Hello!
'Dear Team' is not the correct salutation - Dear Sir/Madam is appropriate.
Change 'fits' to 'suits'.
Cut down the length of the sentence beginning 'I appreciate your support ...' It's way to long!
Change 'feedback' to 'reply/response'.
Overall, however, this is a good letter. There are some minor grammar mistakes, but you should be pleased with your overall ability!
All the best,
David

Thanks david , what is my overall writing band ? Approximately ?


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dear David,

I am a little confused if "colleague" can be used in this context. I know that colleague can also mean partner, however, I was always under the impression that it is used in context to working partners. Kindly do clarify. thanks in advance.