Thank you for assessing my Writing task 2 in advance!!

[michaelsu2016]

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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These days, heated debate has been going on over who should take the responsibility of individual's health and diet. Some argue that it will go without doubt to each individual, while others think it is the role that governments should play to ensure people to keep a balanced eating habit.

There are several good reasons for taking care of one's own health and diet by themselves. To begin with, each individual knows best the status of their body. For instance, if a person is not feeling well or sick because of some diseases or infection, only he or she knows this in the first place so it should be their own responsibility to take medical leaves to see a doctor or get some rest t home, depending what exactly they feel. In addition, similarly, when it comes to the diet, each individual has their own preference in choosing what kind of food to eat. Research has proved in much evidence that having a good and healthy diet has a profound impact on a person's health in the long term. Anyway, it is their own choice and freedom in terms of what to eat every meal.

Despite this, governments should not shrink from the responsibility of promoting a healthy eating habit to its citizens, in order to save a huge amount of money spent in curing the diseases caused by unhealthy diet. If the government does not take actions to improve public awareness of the importance of diet, people nowadays can be easily influenced by the culture of fast food, which contains high calorie but low nutrition, because of the accelerating pace of life and work in modern society. Once a person forms a habit, it is difficult to change afterwards. Consequently, he or she may take the risks of having diet related illness or problems, such as, diabetes, heart and stomach problems. When more people had those health problems, governments would have to allocate enormous budget to hospitals and medical organizations, which treat those patients.

In my opinion, I think it is the responsibility of each individual to look after their own health and maintain a health diet. Having said that, governments should take the lead to improve the awareness of the importance of health diet to the general public.
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Thank you very much!!

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Michael,

Introduction - Heated debate? Where?
The rest of the essay is quite good. The arguments could be developed more - what you say is very general. For example, in the last sentence of the second main paragraph, you make a good point but fail to expand on why this could be good or could cause problems.
All the best,
David