Please assess TASK 2 from October 10, 2015

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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DcalmdownD
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2015 7:33 am

Please assess TASK 2 from October 10, 2015

Post by DcalmdownD »

These days there is no need to go out to see a live performance (e.g. a show or concert) because what we can see at home on our TV or computer screens is better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Today, technology is developing rapidly, allowing people to stay at home and watch shows and concerts on TV or computer. Some people say that it is no longer necessary to watch artists perform live in theaters. It will be argued that it is much better to enjoy live entertainment than to watch performances on a small screen. This argument will be proven by analyzing the breathtaking effects of venues where performances are held, and the intimacy theaters may give the audience.

Firstly, theaters have visual and audio effects far superior to what a home stereo can offer. In my own experience, many years ago I visited Las Vegas to pursue my dream of seeing Celine Dion’s concert. The extravaganza was so dazzling that her angelic voice even brought tears to my eyes, even though I had listened to her albums countless times at home. This clearly shows that it is greater to watch live performances than streamed videos.

In addition to this, theaters can provide the audience with an up-close personal experience with their favorite artists. As I mentioned earlier, attending Celine’s concert gave me the opportunity to see the artist I love. When she performed a rock song, I could feel my adrenaline pumping in every cell of my body. Thus, it is obvious that art is more intimate when it is enjoyed live.

Following the two points, it can be proven that it is more beneficial to witness artistic performances in person than on TV or a computer screen. Therefore, it is highly recommended that people leave their homes and attend live performances in theaters.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Please assess TASK 2 from October 10, 2015

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hi!
Generally, this is a good essay.
1. I think that you focus too much on the example.
2. Delete the last sentence of the introduction.
3. I'm not sure about the "up close personal" aspect of concerts. In my experience, the singer/group is quite far from most of the audience.
Anyway, very good range of grammar and vocabulary with only a few mistakes - nice!
David
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