Topic: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?
Encouraging a sense of competition or cooperation affects the personalities of children differently. Some believe that indoctrinating a sense of competition in children bears better results in shaping their personalities. Others, however, refute this idea with a counter argument that the effects of developing a sense of mutual cooperation in children pay off in the long run. This essay will carefully analyze both points of view before reaching a reasoned conclusion.
Those, who support inducing a sense of competition in children advocate their claim by different logical reasons. Firstly, healthy competition motivates children to work hard in life to surpass their fellow competitors. This way they remain focused and determined towards achieving their goals. Secondly, practical life is full of competitions and those who have, what it takes to win the competition have more chances of winning it. For example, obtaining a fellowship in college, competing in a job induction process and maintaining a top position in professional life are vigorously competitive and one should know how to succeed in them.
On the other hand, supporters of the other side of the argument hold that the sense of mutual help and coordination develops children into successful adults. Everything in life is not a competition and children should know it very well. Mutual cooperation will not only groom children into caring and supporting human beings but will also make them successful professionals. This can be substantiating from the fact that many organizations of the contemporary world spend hefty budgets on trainings like team work and coordination. Therefore, it is understandable why people give more weightage cooperation while raising children.
In conclusion, encouraging the sense of competition and mutual cooperation in children possess individual merits. Many however, are inclined to only one completely disregarding the importance of the other. I believe that apart from teaching children about working in coordination, they should also be prepared dealing with competitions because life throws different challenges at different times and children should be able to tackle all of them.
Regards
Owais
Please Evaluate my Writing T2
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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Re: Please Evaluate my Writing T2
Hi Owais,
Not bad but ... "practical life is full of competitions" and "Everything in life is not a competition". What you need to do to take this essay into high scoring territory is explain how these disparate concepts/ideas/arguments fit together. Also, be careful because you are still relying on one perspective for most of your answers.
Your definition of a useful adult is, quite clearly, a person who makes a lot of money. I disagree. A housewife who brings up the next generation to be good citizens is, in my opinion, far more useful to society than a selfish banker who commits crime in order to enrich himself.
Always look at the issue from a variety of perspectives!
All the best,
David
Not bad but ... "practical life is full of competitions" and "Everything in life is not a competition". What you need to do to take this essay into high scoring territory is explain how these disparate concepts/ideas/arguments fit together. Also, be careful because you are still relying on one perspective for most of your answers.
Your definition of a useful adult is, quite clearly, a person who makes a lot of money. I disagree. A housewife who brings up the next generation to be good citizens is, in my opinion, far more useful to society than a selfish banker who commits crime in order to enrich himself.
Always look at the issue from a variety of perspectives!
All the best,
David