Please comment on my task 1 writing

[michelle11]

These two charts illustrate the current status of the postgraduates and graduates students who had not gotten a full-time job in the UK in 2008.
Overall, students would have 4 destinations if they did not get the full- time work. In these two type of students, the vest majority was further study. There were 29,665 students from graduates and 2,725 students from postgraduates. On the other hand, a small minority students chose voluntary work. There were 3,500 students from graduate and 345 from postgraduate.
Nearly as student selected part time work as were unemployment in graduates students. However, postgraduates students who had a part time job as popular as further study. There were nearly one thousand students difference between part-time work and unemployment.
To sum up, the number of graduates students were much more than the postgraduates students. Moreover, most of them would like to get an advanced degree, and rare of them would like to do a voluntary work.



Thank you!!

[Flick]

These two charts illustrate the current status of the postgraduates and graduate students who had not gotten a full-time job in the UK in 2008.

Overall, students would have 4 destinations if they did not get the full- time work.(<--Reword to: This study identified four different areas outside full-time work: part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment.") For both graduate and postgraduate students, the vast majority chose further study. There were 29,665 graduate students and 2,725 postgraduate students in this category. On the other hand, a small minority of students chose voluntary work. There were 3,500 graduate students and 345 postgraduate students.

Nearly as many graduate students selected part time work as unemployment, 17,735 and 16,235 respectively. However, postgraduate students working part time rivaled those completing further study with 2,535. There were nearly one thousand fewer unemployed postgraduate students with 1,625.

To sum up, the number of graduates students were much more than the postgraduates students.(<--Reword to: "To sum up, there were significantly more graduate students in areas other than full time work than postgraduate students.") Moreover, most students were working towards further education, and very few of them were doing voluntary work.