Some people believe the aimof university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Over the decades many people are aspiring to get university education to make their lives better in terms of career. However, others tend to think that education gives much more pluses in social and personal lives. This essay will review this topic from both angles.
On the one hand, if one makes a research and questions every student why they are studying in universities, I am convinced that their asnwer will be to get better job. This idea is spread all over the globe that having a good formal education will help you in further professional development. Certainly, this is an established fact that many subjects in the training course are dedicated to a particular specialisation and as a result graduates have a firm foundation to further build their future at work.
Furthermore, I myself rarely witnessed an individual without any diploma having a successful job. It is a rare occasion to have a growing career without any paper in hand, the bright example of which can be Bill Gates, though I am inclined to believe that he is an exception rather than a rule. Therefore, those who believe that years spent in university will sort of guarantee a promissing job are right.
On the other hand, it will be fair enough to look at the education from another angle. The greatest advantage of being student is having fun and socialising with your study friends. These are the most enjoyable memories one can ever have. Another fact to support second opinion is that students become more independent, rational and confident. The university style of life makes them care of themselves, be more responsible and develop their outlook all round.
To conclude, I am rather convinced that an individual can benefit from formal education workwise and in terms of general preparation to future life.
would appreciate your assistance in assessing my writing
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
- Posts: 1371
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am
Re: would appreciate your assistance in assessing my writing
Hi Jazira,
Introduction - good
First main paragraph - you are assuming that the uni students only have one reason for studying
Second main paragraph - define 'successful job' and 'growing career'. Sort of guarantee?
Third main paragraph - your first sentence means that the students mentioned in paragraph one are wrong. This means that, at the very least, there is confusion about why people study at uni. Why does uni provide the best memories? Why is student party better than, for example, getting married or witnessing the birth of a child? Why are uni students automatically more independent, rational and confident than those who do not go to uni?
Conclusion - not demonstrated
Overall, the essay reads like a stream of assertions rather than a logical argument. I would suggest rewriting the main paragraphs and developing/clarifying points.
All the best,
David
Introduction - good
First main paragraph - you are assuming that the uni students only have one reason for studying
Second main paragraph - define 'successful job' and 'growing career'. Sort of guarantee?
Third main paragraph - your first sentence means that the students mentioned in paragraph one are wrong. This means that, at the very least, there is confusion about why people study at uni. Why does uni provide the best memories? Why is student party better than, for example, getting married or witnessing the birth of a child? Why are uni students automatically more independent, rational and confident than those who do not go to uni?
Conclusion - not demonstrated
Overall, the essay reads like a stream of assertions rather than a logical argument. I would suggest rewriting the main paragraphs and developing/clarifying points.
All the best,
David