Please Evaluate My Essay along with expected grade

[sanket]

Successful sports professional can earn deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think its unfair.
Discuss both views & give your opinion

Popular sports persons are regularly seen in the list of the world richest people or we often see comparison reports showing richest player etc. Were as people in other important profession are not seen earning so much money. There are conflicting views regarding justification of this observation.
Sport is one of the subjects, with which each & every person can relate with over the world. Thus sports can be regarded as one of the most money making sector of the world and so the sportsmen. Sportsmen are regularly followed by general public & are treated as ideals or god figure. So popular sportsmen are heavily paid for their work. As their involvement can directly affect the profitability of the event, advertise or game in which they are involved. They have skills to pull crowd & generate money from them.
However, there are people in many other important professions that can directly affect people’s life. For example people in police, doctors, fire fighters, army men etc. These all people are responsible for saving the lives & contributing for welfare for society. But money that these people earn is very less compared to sportsmen which many people think as unfair.
In my opinion, it is necessary to think over this topic by the governments over the world & they should make arrangements & policies by which lives of people in such important professions can be made better & prosperous. It is not completely possible to equate them with sports personalities but an effort should be made to make them better than the ordinary citizens.
To conclude, it is important to provide enough attention towards important profession along with sports. So that not completely but at least to some extent we can reduce the difference between earning capacity of sportsmen & people in other important profession.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hi Sanket,

Introduction - The observation does not have to be justified as it is an established fact.
Main paragraphs - I think that these need some more development. The basic points are good but development would clarify them.

All the best,
David