Hi, Please Evaluate my Essay

[Owais]

Topic: Even though developing countries receive financial help, poverty is still an issue. Some say they should be receiving other kind of help, to eliminate poverty. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give examples and suggest what other form of help can be offered.

Despite the fact that developing countries are granted substantial amount of financial grants, poverty still exist as a grave ailment. It is believed by some that non-financial help should be extended to poverty stricken countries to improve their standard of living. I also concur with this opinion because foreign direct investment, technical and vocational skill development can prove to be more beneficial in eradicating poverty.

Mere financial help is not fruitful in poverty alleviation for a number of reasons. Firstly, the ruling class of undeveloped countries may not be interested in improving the situation. Since undeveloped countries might have different priorities. For instance, epidemic diseases and insurgence in the country are addressed before poverty. Similarly, proper distribution of funds to the deserving cannot be ensured during corrupt leaders and politicians. Additionally, offering mere financial support is analogous to spoon-feeding which may prevent people to take initiative for improving their monetary situation. Having said that, it can be argued why only financial help is not enough to improve the standard of living in undeveloped countries.

On a similar note, a number of other forms of non-financial assistance are available which could prove advantageous in alleviating poverty. For instance, foreign direct investment in underdeveloped countries in essential to keep their economy in motion. This will create many employment opportunities and will pave its way to poverty elimination. Similarly, educational and research collaborations are also key to make a nation self-sufficient. More education and research would mean flourishing the country on technological front which would create further investment avenues. Thus, substantiating from the facts mentioned above, it can be asserted that non-monetary modes of support are better than monetary grants in terms of improving poverty situations in backward countries.

In conclusion, the issue of poverty alleviation through financial grants is discussed in many circles. Some advocate that non-financial modes of assistance could bear better results than sole financial grants. Foreign direct investment and skills development programs are two major fronts of non-financial assistance that could accelerate the process of poverty alleviation.Thus, it is believed that instead of offering monetary grants, performance driven schemes should be introduced in order to achieve better results with poverty elimination.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello Owais!
Introduction - Nice!
Main paragraphs - Very good! I think a few specific examples would help.
Conclusion - As with many (most?) T2 essays posted here recently, you fail to make the conclusion a personal one. Bear in mind that the question clearly asks you the extent to which YOU agree or disagree!
Overall, well done! Some nice vocabulary, with some higher level items included. Grammar is much better than most candidates produce, in my experience.
Now to check your other essays!
All the best,
David