Please grade.

[Mohammed]

Hello Ryan,

Please take a look at this my essay which I've just written.I'm really worrying about my writing score.I have 11 days till my exam.Please suggest some improvements.I need 7.0 or at least 6.5 in writing.
Thanks.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

It is true that career plays a major role in everyone’s adulthood and thus job satisfaction is an essential issue for many people. There are various points that influence to job satisfaction, and I believe that it is pointless to expect job satisfaction from all employees.

There are several reasons which have an effect on the job satisfaction. Firstly, high salary is the key for most people to enjoy what they do. People would try to do any work regardless of its difficulty, if they will earn a huge amount of money at the end. Secondly, most job seekers look for a job which has large career prospects and promotions. This means that if a company offers opportunities of being promoted to higher levels, it will attract many candidates. Finally, task significance is another aspect of job satisfaction. For instance, if workers feel that they make a contribution to the organization or larger community, they will be motivated for their work.

However, it sounds rather unrealistic that everyone should satisfy with their job. People have different reasons for doing a particular job. For example, and individual working in any position because he or she has to take care of family or he or she does not have any other means of making a living. Apart from this, lack of relevant qualifications is another point that holds people back from doing satisfying job.

To sum up, for the reasons mentioned above, I would argue that there are various factors of job satisfaction, and there is no point to anticipate enjoyment of job from all employees.

[ceojongseong]

I'm also student who is learning English and studying the IELTS.
I think i know what you were saying but it is not strong. You mentioned three sorts of reasons, however, you didn't add examples respectively and that point was not good enough. That's all. Other things like grammar and vocabulary were good. Great. I was learning something from you while i was reading your essay. I don't know much about how to score but i would give you 6 or 6.5.