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Hi Ryan,
Hope you are fine.

Kindly check my writing below for the task 2 under general examination.

Please point out the mistakes and give me BAND SCORE also.

“Some people believe that we should control the freedom of the children, while some people believe otherwise. Discuss both sides. Give your Opinion"


Some people emphasize on the freedom of the children and consider liberation the absolute right of anyone even at early childhood. Whereas certain masses defies the concept of freedom to children and recommend strictness to it. People having these two differences of opinion state their own favorable logics to support.
An idea of doing things at your own exhibits not only a sense of confidence but also privileges youth to understand environment closely with personal wisdom and encounter. For example, in western countries like America children are given liberty to go out often as they wish and are provided separate rooms for their privacy. It builds conviction in child to familiarize things independently. These practices encourage kids to judge various aspects of life through personal acquaintances. Thus, endeavors openness to society, practical exposure, boldness and self assurance.
However, too much exposure to the world at initial stages of life may lead to hazardous circumstances. Children should be monitored closely so that they may not indulge themselves conveniently available inadequate activities. For instance, world wide web has made all sorts of sources (good & bad) are accessible easily and youth can access substandard site leisurely. Therefore, constant supervision should be adopted for children safety, health and betterment.
In my opinion, freedom and strictness should go side by side. Neither children be kept so obstructed that could offend them nor should they be liberalize to do whatever they want. Well –advised limited freedom is an intelligent gesture to be accustomed for balanced brought-up of children.

Some people emphasize on the freedom of the children and consider liberation the absolute right of anyone even at early childhood. Whereas certain masses defy the concept of freedom to children and recommend being strict to it. People having these two different opinions state their own favorable logics to support.
An idea of doing things at your own exhibits not only a sense of confidence but also privileges youth to understand environment closely with personal wisdom and encounter. For example, in western countries like America, children are given liberty to go out often as they wish and are provided with separate rooms for their privacy. It builds conviction in child to familiarize things independently. These practices encourage kids to judge various aspects of life through personal acquaintances. Thus, it encourages openness to society, ¿practical exposure', boldness and self assurance.
However, too much exposure to the world at initial stages of life may lead to hazardous circumstances. Children should be monitored closely so that they may not indulge themselves conveniently available inadequate activities. For instance,the world wide web has made available all sorts of sources (good & bad) and youth can access substandard site leisurely. Therefore, constant supervision should be adopted for children safety, health and betterment.
In my opinion, freedom and strictness should go side by side. Neither children should be kept so obstructed that could offend them nor should they be liberalized to do whatever they want. Well –advised limited freedom is an intelligent gesture to be accustomed for balanced children.

Thankyou david for pointing out my mistakes.

Kindly rate my essay.