Essay writing example, what things should I focus on?

[Dutchgirl]

Since I got such constructive responses in the speaking section, let me try another one here now that I can still practice and improve.

The assignment used for this essay was the following:

The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey. The pie chart shows the projected market share of the two companies in jeans at the end of next year.

Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.





One thing I was unsure about is that no actual year was given. It just said "this year". Can I assume during the writing of my essay they will not have given me outdated data unless otherwise specified and just refer to 2015?!

Other things I am looking for:
- what would be the grade indication for an essay like this?
- what should I / how can I improve? What are the things that I should probably be focusing on?

Anyway... My Task 1 Essay

The bar chart provides us with information on the projected sales of jeans (per thousand of pairs) next year in Turkey for two different companies, whilst the pie chart indicates the share the same companies enjoy in the national jeans market in relation to other companies by the end of 2015.

Jack & Jones Co. and Mango Co. are the expected leaders considering national jeans sales in Turkey in 2015, making up for a predicted 30% and 20% of the total market share respectively. While Mango’s sales start off relatively modest compared to those of Jack and Jones’, sales go up gradually as from the month of March onwards. They are then expected to stagnate at 500.000 pairs of jeans sold per month during the months of August, September, October and November, after which they will arrive at their peak during the month of December when 600.000 pairs of Mango jeans are expected to be sold throughout the country. Mango's sales only exceed those of Jack & Jones during July and August 2015.
For Jack & Jones a gradual increase in sales takes place starting February 2015, after which a plateau forms during the months of June, July and August. After that sales climb on only to peak during the same month as those of Mango Co, arriving at a grand total of one million pairs of jeans sold during the month of December by this company only.

As can be concluded from both charts sales are expected to rise throughout 2015, so prospects for both companies are promising. The expected general trend is that Jack & Jones' will on average be selling more jeans than Mango but even so Mango is doing great on its own account, being able to capture a fair share of Turkey's national jeans market itself.

[Dutchgirl]

An easter egg.

The graph below gives information from Annual Energy Outlook 2008 about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projection until 2030.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.



This graph gives us information about half a century’s worth of energy consumption in the United States. It includes information about the past (1980-2014) as well as projections for the future (2014-2030).

As can be seen from the graph, petrol and oil have always been and in all likelihood in the future will remain the main source of energy for the United States of America. Though there were some minor declines in its use during the period 1980-1995, the consumption of this type of energy has been steadily increasing ever since and in 2030 their utilization is expected to arrive at its peak counting just under 50 quadrillion units for this year. A significant increase when you consider it started out at 35 quadrillion units back in 1980.

Two other tremendously important sources of energy for the USA are natural gas and coal power. The use of natural gas, however, is expected to remain steady as from 2015 onwards while the use of coal as a source of energy is expected to experience its most noteworthy growth so far in the time period between 2020-2030 when around 16 quads are expected to be consumed.

Nuclear power, hydropower and solar and wind energy in comparison to the other three sources of energy mentioned are of a fairly modest importance only. Out of these three, the use of nuclear power and solar and wind energy have the most promising prospects for the future; even though consumption rates for both energy categories have remained constant for the last few years and this trend is expected to continue in the near future. By 2030, however, a small increase in consumption can be observed from the graph.

Hydropower seems the least promising of all energy sources. After a period of small, unsteady falls and rises, its use dropped slightly by the year of 2013 and has remained steady ever since. Its use is expected to fall to a low in 2030. In conclusion fossil fuels are expected to remain the main sources of energy for the country in the years to come, whilst nuclear power as well as renewable energies like wind, solar and hydropower are of a minor importance only.