chart description, plz review

[reidun]

Hi,

This is one of my attempt so discribe a graph as a practice sample, the graph is found here: https://www.ielts.org/PDF/120430_academ ... ask_1A.pdf
I found this task difficult because of the complexity with different values according to gender, year, type of education and of course time issues.
I wrote one firstdraft and then rewrote it for clarity, please let me know if this makes sence at all. I still feel it is to repetetive. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.


The chart present an overview over further education either full-time og part-time studies, divided between male and females in the years of 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91 in Britain. We can clearly se that the number of students generally increased, particulary the number og female students.

One million man indertook part-time studies in 1971, the same year there were less than 800 000 female students. When it comes to full time students there were about 50 000 female students, about half the amount of male students.
In 1981 the number of full-time female students had more than dubbled to over 200 000, and passed the the number of male students at 150 000 respectively. In regards to part-time students the levels are somewhat similar since the number of male students decline and the number of female students increased. This trend continues toward 1991 where there is 1 100 000 wimen studying part-time, which is now much more then the 900 000 male students. In 1991 there were also a rise in full-time studyes, With somewhat similar values for both male and female at a little over 200 000.

The chart show that the number of full-time students increase in general for both sexes from 1971 to 1991, but the most noticable growth was in female part-time students.

[Arsh]

sir donot use personal pronouns in task 1.
Instead of using "We can clearly se"... u must prefer "It can be clearly seen from the graph..." and donot write it in Introduction . Start you body paragraph 1 from "it can be clearly seen from the graph ......."

[reidun]

Thank you Arsh, for constructive feedbak