Writing Task 2, Position of women in society
Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2015 2:02 pm
Hey everyone!
I will do the IELTS next week in Cardiff and I need a 6.5 overall.
What do you think about my writing? Any advices or suggestions of improving it?
Any help is much appreciated!
Thanks, Lea
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is clearly true that since the end of the last century the position of women in society has been changing distinctly. Simultaneously, problems young people have, including juvenile unemployment and delinquency, have been increasing as well. However, I do not entirely agree that the former causes the latter.
Women role in society is not only mother and housewife anymore. Women rather take occupations in managerial positions, influence politics or become successful scientists. But as womens position changed, mens remained similar. This means, that no one is at home to care for the children, with the results that these do not get enough attention and rebel against their parents by abusing drugs or being riot.
On the other hand, there are several other things, that influence youth. Very important is the education system, as school plays a big role in a young persons life. The lower the education level, the more difficult it is to find a occupation later on in life and the higher the tendency to delinquency.
Finally, every day stories about athletes, musicians and actors getting them selfs into trouble get published. However, they do not appear as bad role models and young people tend to imitate them. For instance, many articles about celebrities who abuse drugs can be read in social networks and magazines. Although, less articles about the risks to taking drugs can be find.
In conclusion, it can be stated with no doubt that the problems young people experience nowadays do not exist because the position of women changed. Nonetheless, this might increase the problem, but for shore it is not the origin.
268 words
I will do the IELTS next week in Cardiff and I need a 6.5 overall.
What do you think about my writing? Any advices or suggestions of improving it?
Any help is much appreciated!
Thanks, Lea
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is clearly true that since the end of the last century the position of women in society has been changing distinctly. Simultaneously, problems young people have, including juvenile unemployment and delinquency, have been increasing as well. However, I do not entirely agree that the former causes the latter.
Women role in society is not only mother and housewife anymore. Women rather take occupations in managerial positions, influence politics or become successful scientists. But as womens position changed, mens remained similar. This means, that no one is at home to care for the children, with the results that these do not get enough attention and rebel against their parents by abusing drugs or being riot.
On the other hand, there are several other things, that influence youth. Very important is the education system, as school plays a big role in a young persons life. The lower the education level, the more difficult it is to find a occupation later on in life and the higher the tendency to delinquency.
Finally, every day stories about athletes, musicians and actors getting them selfs into trouble get published. However, they do not appear as bad role models and young people tend to imitate them. For instance, many articles about celebrities who abuse drugs can be read in social networks and magazines. Although, less articles about the risks to taking drugs can be find.
In conclusion, it can be stated with no doubt that the problems young people experience nowadays do not exist because the position of women changed. Nonetheless, this might increase the problem, but for shore it is not the origin.
268 words