please help me improve my writing... TASK 2
Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 12:22 pm
Good day everyone!
I would like to ask for your help.. please help me improve my writing.
and do include your comments, band scores (highly appreciated), and your suggestions on how I can improve my writing... I'm taking the academic module in two weeks and I do need to achieve at least band 7. Thank you so much!
Question:
Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion?
The young generation of today is the society's next leaders and citizens, and so they should be properly educated in the different institutions. However, learning does not only occur inside the classrooms but it also happens in a day-to-day basis.
The various schools and universities serve as the students' training ground for acquiring knowledge. The instructors who are scholars in their own fields teach the youngsters about the vast array of concepts and theories. Also, they are properly instructed about the etiquette that they should observe. Students are rewarded for accomplishing the tasks, but they are given due punishments if they fail to comply. Moreover, the tons of home works given to them sharpen their critical thinking and comprehension skills. Indeed, the pupils are being prepared academically.
On the other hand, some institutions offer extra-curricular activities for their students. They encourage their students to join the sports events. These activities enhance their physical strength and stamina. Meanwhile, parents are also focused on their children's educational progress that even at home, they still want their kids to continue learning by reading books and solving puzzles. Although these methods can ensure the improvement of their intellectual skills, they would not be able to fully develop their personalities.
I do believe that learning cannot only be acquired through books and educational activities. It is an indisputable fact that we can learn many concepts and gain more information through these modes, however, a person's development does not only center in intellectual abilities alone particularly that of children. The nature of child development follows a combination of activities that enhance a child's intellectual, emotional, and social characteristics. They should be allowed to play and interact with their playmates because in this way, they can explore their environment and gain their confidence. Furthermore, those kids who experienced a balanced time for education and play turned out to be good-natured individuals.
Many philosophers and citizens alike believe that knowledge is power. It is in our nature to search for higher education, and the educational institutions answer that quest. On the contrary, the world outside the school buildings brings about numerous quests and mysteries from which we can also gain wisdom far more significant than those we get in books.
I would like to ask for your help.. please help me improve my writing.
and do include your comments, band scores (highly appreciated), and your suggestions on how I can improve my writing... I'm taking the academic module in two weeks and I do need to achieve at least band 7. Thank you so much!Question:
Some people think that children's free time must include educational activities otherwise they will waste their time. What is your opinion?
The young generation of today is the society's next leaders and citizens, and so they should be properly educated in the different institutions. However, learning does not only occur inside the classrooms but it also happens in a day-to-day basis.
The various schools and universities serve as the students' training ground for acquiring knowledge. The instructors who are scholars in their own fields teach the youngsters about the vast array of concepts and theories. Also, they are properly instructed about the etiquette that they should observe. Students are rewarded for accomplishing the tasks, but they are given due punishments if they fail to comply. Moreover, the tons of home works given to them sharpen their critical thinking and comprehension skills. Indeed, the pupils are being prepared academically.
On the other hand, some institutions offer extra-curricular activities for their students. They encourage their students to join the sports events. These activities enhance their physical strength and stamina. Meanwhile, parents are also focused on their children's educational progress that even at home, they still want their kids to continue learning by reading books and solving puzzles. Although these methods can ensure the improvement of their intellectual skills, they would not be able to fully develop their personalities.
I do believe that learning cannot only be acquired through books and educational activities. It is an indisputable fact that we can learn many concepts and gain more information through these modes, however, a person's development does not only center in intellectual abilities alone particularly that of children. The nature of child development follows a combination of activities that enhance a child's intellectual, emotional, and social characteristics. They should be allowed to play and interact with their playmates because in this way, they can explore their environment and gain their confidence. Furthermore, those kids who experienced a balanced time for education and play turned out to be good-natured individuals.
Many philosophers and citizens alike believe that knowledge is power. It is in our nature to search for higher education, and the educational institutions answer that quest. On the contrary, the world outside the school buildings brings about numerous quests and mysteries from which we can also gain wisdom far more significant than those we get in books.