writing task 2

[DAA]

hello everyone
i will really appreciate your help in evaluating this essay for writing task 2
thanks in advance
note: the question is attached

Nowadays, it seems that we are developing a more materialistic kind of world where people are no more judged by their moral values. This can be true in most communities but i'm not totally in favor of it. in my opinion values are very important to human beings and people still search fine qualities in their friends and partners.
it can not be denied that people are to some extent judged by their social status. some jobs are found to be more respected than other. in developing countries for example, people respect those with higher level career like university professors more than the respect they show for what considered to be a lower standard jobs like labor workers although that person with the lower level job can be better in terms of his values and morals. in more developed communities, you can find a different scenario the person state in community is not judged by the level of job he does but by the efficiency he does his job with and dedication he shows for it.
human wealth is also a judging criteria where some people see fortune as a way having more power. money can give people a better life standard, allow them to access higher quality stuff and live in fancy houses. however the way someone managed to have his wealth will always be the question, it must be through a honest and hard working route.
on the other hand values like being honor, kind and trustworthy can not be neglected. from my point of view, in our daily life we always search for people who are faithful, honest and kind because we can trust and rely on them. you won't go out aiming to have a partner or a friend with a wealth, great job and belongs to a famous family but at the same time has no moral values. he can easily lie, cheat and almost can do anything to achieve his purposes. although some people actually judge depending on that criteria, they finally end up being in misery as they can not stand the over-materialistic kind of life that is not engaged with human emotions and values.
to sum up, it appears to me that materialistic stuff and social statue are nothing without high supportive moral values. one must try to achieve being in a higher social class, having a prestigious job or whatever the he seeks in life without losing his values.

[DAA]

this is another sample i wrote wishing anyone could give me feedback
it is for task 1

The given bar graph illustrates the number of males and females invested time in further education comparing between these numbers in both full-time and part- time studying. The time period of the comparison is through three successive decades the 1970s, 1980s and the 1990s.
According to the data represented in the graph, it is obvious that the part time education was demonstrating for both men and women and also through the three different years. The total number of people in the 3 years-both men and women-spent partial time in education was about 4.5 million, while the number of those spent time studying fully was approximately 2 million.
Another significant feature noticed from the graph is the jump in the number of females invested time in part time education. In 1990, the women number in part time education went up by almost one-third the number in 1970.
On the other hand, the men's educational full time was increased steadily from 1970 until 1990. The number was about 100 thousand in 1970 then moved up slightly to about 150 thousand in 1980 and finally reached 200 thousand in 1990. The part time education showed a different pattern, a decrease in the number of part time learner occurred in 1980. There was a decline of about 200 thousand male in the year 1980. However, the number went up again in 1990 to reach 900 thousand man which was still less than the number in 1970 by about one-tenth.
To sum up, the graph shows a preference in part time education over full time education for both men and women. However, the number of women engaged in the 1990s with part time education was more than the number of men while the number was almost the same in the full time education.


thanks in advance