Please put your comments :-) Practice Writing Task 1

[jenrosal_08]

The chart below who the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 to 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. 150 words

Sorry, but I can't paste the actual graphs. Just please rate my writing on coherence and cohesion, and logical progression. Thank you so much.


SAMPLE ESSAY
The two charts show trends on the number of Japanese tourists from 1985 to 1995. The bar graph illustrates the number of Japanese who traveled abroad while the line chart reflects the percentage of which that went to Australia for the same time period.
Overall, the bar graph detailed how Japanese tourists gradually increased over the 10 year period. A linear upward trend can be seen from the years 1985 (roughly 5 million) to 1990 (11 million). Although there was a slight dip in 1991 that showed a temporary interruption in the upward trend, the numbers quickly recovered in 1992 and continued again to increase from 12 million in 1992 to a peak of 15 million in 1995.
On the other hand, the line chart showed how the share of Australia’s Japanese tourists is positively correlated with the total number of Japanese traveling abroad. A steady increase can be noted from early 1985 to 1988 before it slightly decreased in 1989 by just around 0.5% from the previous year. After that, there is again a steady rise of Japanese tourist share in Australia from 1989 of 4.1 % to 1993 of 6.1% then a slight dip in 1994 to 6%.