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Can anybody comment on my writing plz ? I would be so grateful guys .. Thanks
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The world is changing everyday in many aspects. People nowadays are very far from people in the past regarding their lifestyle and eating habits. It is agreed that the change in people's eating habits and lifestyle especially children carries serious health hazards and negative effects on their long term well being.



Eating has been always an everyday respectful habit and has certain norms. We live in the era of speed and technology has accelerated all aspects of our lives even eating. For example, nearly all children love the so-called fast food that comes with attractive colors and tons of fat. People in the past never let their children eat in front of TV or while walking in the street. Thus the new types of food and their accompanying habits lead to issues such as obesity or diabetes.

Furthermore, life is becoming easy. The effort needed in daily activity is much less than before. This sedentary life pattern is due to tremendous machines and electronics that facilitated everything. Children are lazier than in the past and they prefer to play video games rather than to go for a bike. The changes that technology added to our lives make us susceptible to serious life threatening disorders such as heart and vascular diseases.

Children eating habits and lifestyle have changed a lot since that in 20 or 30 years ago. This change is negative in all means and carries a serious threat on children's health. It's recommended for people especially parents to fight the new habits that are widely marketed in the media and advertisements everyday.

Dear

Is this same essay in your exam GT British council which is held on 14 march-15 ???? . Have got your exam ????????

As the motto of this forum is to help each other by correcting our mistakes, I gave a shot. But, there are people who can do better than me. Wait for their review. I tried to point out some mistakes in your essay. All the best. I think you need to practice .


The world is changing everyday in many aspects. People nowadays are very far from people in the past regarding their lifestyle and eating habits. It is agreed that the change in people's eating habits and lifestyle especially children carries serious health hazards and negative effects on their long term well being.



Eating (always )has been a respectful habit and it has certain norms. We live in the era of speed and technology (which) has accelerated all aspects of our lives including eating. For example, nearly all children love the so-called fast food that comes with attractive colors and tons of fat. People in the past never let their children eat in front of TV or while walking in streets. Thus(,) the new types of food and their accompanying habits(accompanying habits ?) lead to issues such as obesity or (and) diabetes.

Furthermore, life is becoming easy. The effort needed in daily activity(ies) is much less than before. This sedentary life pattern is due to tremendous machines and electronics that facilitated everything(us. I think everything sounds awkward). Children are lazier than in the past and they prefer to play video games rather than( playing outside or riding a bike) to go for a bike. The changes that technology added to our lives make us susceptible to serious life threatening disorders such as heart and vascular diseases.

Children eating habits and lifestyle have changed a lot since that in 20 or 30 years ago. This change is negative in all means and carries a serious threat on(to) children's health. It's recommended for people, especially parents ,to fight the new habits that are widely marketed in the media and advertisements everyday.[/quote]

I think you have a great skill on vocabulary and knowledge where it be suitable. Have you taken your exam??? I think you can do well in your exam. keep writing that will help us too. i will be glad if you analyze my writing too. http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/memberlist. ... ile&u=9302

Thank you for u all guys . I am going to have my exam on 28th of March . I just started practicing writing this week and I really don't have someone for the feedback so your cooperation is appreciated a lot >> Thanks

what the question about??

I think on main paragraph, u should write about main sentence, then adding with developing sentence and some example. Usually I write 5 sentences. Just developing your idea. Probably learn on simon ielts blog, it is very helping for me.

Good Luck for ur test,,