plz rate my essay , can it reach 6.5?

[issamfayad@yahoo.com]

Write about the following topic:
Woman and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right
to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or
experience.
Write at least 250 words.



It is certainly true that usual contrast in males and females abilities introduce them
with different merits for work field. Therefore, while both have disparate readiness, I
do agree that they have to select appropriate profession according their sex.

Men have apparent willingness to do some certain, hard jobs. Firstly, they usually show
drastical capabilities dealing with IT relevant careers. These kinds of jobs need to work
under pressure and require to work for long hours even after official work time. Secondly,
some professions such as, fishing, construction work and taxi driving, are done under
work's severe conditions. Finally, some professions is often dangerous, police officers
for example, they sometimes chase offenders and have clashes with demonstrators in public
areas,which may endanger themselves. As a result, men have higher hand on the harder Jobs.

On the other Hand, women have important role in medical services. Firstly, they show high
potential looking after patients in medical centers by nursing services in particular,
whereas extreme care are needed. Secondly, females can provide more interest for bringing
children in comparison with males. Thanks to their natural instincts of motherhood
emotions. Finally, they are discriminated in home-made handcrafts, instantly in textiles,
carpets' motifs and pendants. For those reasons, it is nice for women to choose
works proportional to their soft skills.

In conclusion, I believe that gendery plays significant role for people to exploit their
physical and phsycological abilities to choose suitable professions. So they
can be distinctive and successful in their lives.

[vivek]

your essay is really praise worthy. I am glad to say that the ideas u have mentioned above is really good.

Thnx a lot....

[Mr Azik]

hi issamfayad
i like your ideas and some uncommon vocabulary. i guess it will definetely get 6.5. but it will be better if you choose 1 idea in 1 paragraph instead of counting the reasons.that's why your essay sound less academic. Ryan's argument essay structure is the most straightforward one for this type of essay.
good luck!

[issamfayad@yahoo.com]

I really thank you for your applause

[OnlineEnglishTeacher]

I thnk maybe about 5.5-6 maximum, from my experience (quite a lot of years Skype IELTS teaching).

Try to start each sentence with a complex word, especially the first word of this task: "http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/en/ ... -sentences" and also try to use synonyms to not repeat the essay key words where possible: "http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/en/ ... t-analyser".



[Indubitably,] It is certainly true that ("the") usual contrast ("between"?) in ("male and female") males and females abilities(", gives") introduce them (no "with") with different merits for ("each") work field. Therefore, while both have disparate readiness(?), I do agree that they have to select ("an") appropriate profession according ("to") their sex.

[Needless to say,] Men have ("an") apparent willingness to do some certain, hard jobs. Firstly, they usually show
("great") drastical capabilities dealing with ("IT-relevant") IT relevant careers. These kinds of jobs need to ("be done under") work under pressure and require ("working") to work for long hours even after official work time. Secondly,
some professions such as, fishing, construction work and taxi driving, are done under
work's severe conditions. Finally, some professions ("are") is often dangerous(";"), police officers
for example, they sometimes chase offenders and have clashes with demonstrators in public
areas, which may endanger themselves. [Following on from this,] As a result, men have ("a") higher ("level for") hand on the harder Jobs.

[Contrastingly, women...] On the other Hand, women have ("an") important role in medical services. Firstly, they show high potential looking after patients in medical centers by nursing services in particular,
("where") whereas extreme care ("is") are needed. Secondly, females can provide more interest for bringing
children ("up,") in comparison with males(","). Thanks to their natural instincts of motherhood
emotions. Finally, they are ("strong") discriminated in ("homemade") home-made handcrafts, (?) instantly in textiles,
carpets' motifs and pendants. For those reasons, it is nice for women to choose
("work") works proportional to their soft skills.

In conclusion, I believe that ("gender") gendery plays ("a") significant role for people to exploit their
physical and phsycological abilities to choose suitable professions. So they
can be distinctive and successful in their lives.

[Asmi92]

It is often argued upon if certain professions should be reserved to a particular gender based on the physical and emotional abilities that come naturally to a man or woman. Although, it cannot be denied that both, man and woman have distinctly different abilities, it will be unfair to attribute this for any kind of professional reservations. It is, therefore, disagreed that gender discrimination can be a valid practice in certain professions. This will be proved by discussing how the scientific evidence proves it wrong to tag a profession to a gender and benefits that gender equality brings to the society.

Firstly, denoting a particular gender to a profession is a phenomenon, that has pretty much been governed by people’s perception. There is, however, no scientific reason for this. A research conducted by the American scientific society on men’s and women’s brain plays a good example here. According to this research, women’s brain is much more powerful for multi-tasking than men’s while men’s brain works best on focused tasks. This is further evident by an everyday growing number of women reaching echelons in the professions of Management and Hospitality industry, which, once upon a time, were considered as industries that are best served only by men. Similarly, more and more men are becoming successful in the fields of creative arts as a dancer or an actor or a chef, which were assumed to be a female dominated profession a few decades ago. It was only the traditional perceptions nominating certain professions to a particular gender while it can be equally served by another gender.

Additionally, gender equality can bring many better aspects to the national economy. For instance, when there is no gender based prejudice, the both men and women can work in almost any field. This will help reduce the skill shortage and unemployment problems, thereby improving job opportunities as well as job offerings. Since gender equality gives equal work rights to man and women, it helps bring balance to the workloads which otherwise would have been difficult. Also, this helps increasing overall family income. With more income, people tend to spend more which helps further boosting the economy.

Thus, after considering all the benefits gender equality has to offer, it will be illogical to have any reservations into any profession based on some traditional preconceptions. It is therefore hoped that more and more men and women will be working together in a same profession in near future.