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Working and living abroad! pls rate the essay

Posted: Sat Dec 27, 2014 2:14 pm
by ramogi
Working and living abroad helps us to know other cultures well. How far you think working abroad has good or bad impacts on our cultural lives?

I believe working outside one’s own country makes a person cosmopolitan in their thoughts, lifestyle and dressing and makes a person respect other cultures as well. It makes a person more sensitive, adaptive and flexible in the way they approach life which is a good thing in my opinion.

Learning at any stage of life is always important and personally I think its the best way to grow in life. I believe, if a person does not forget one’s own culture and follows and respect one’s own culture, there could be no harm attached. I am aware of few friends and family members who live outside India but they have Indian groups there. They celebrate all Indian festivals with their foreigner friends and vice versa.

Children, I believe are more prone to getting themselves adapted to the new culture and cannot understand the difference between good and bad which creates some responsibility on parents to guide them. But children of such parents are more smart, sensible and intelligent which gives them an edge over other children.

To sum up, I would say there is no harm in working and living abroad till the time you are guarding yourselves to differentiate between adapting good and bad things. We have just got one life and we should try and learn as much as possible about other cultures by making friends and working abroad.

Re: Working and living abroad! pls rate the essay

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:33 am
by bridgetbones
Task Response:6
You should have addressed the employees and cultural adaptation.Third paragraph is off topic.
Though the central idea is quite clear(age factor),supporting details,such as children's irrationality shows failure to respond to prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion:6
Repetitiveness of linking phrases (I believe) lowers your band to 6.
Lexical resources:7
The topic affords to demonstrate less common vocabulary,which you could not use.
Grammar and accuracy:7
Missing commas and scant number of complex sentences make it a 7 level.
O:6.5