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Nowadays, some people began to realize the importance of real life experience. They claim that students, especially university graduates should take a gap year in order to acquire some experience before they started their professional career. In my opinion, it may helpful for some students who have no experience at all, but it may not suitable for others who already have certain experience or have difficult financial situation.

Firstly, we should not deny the merits of taking gap year as it can help students to know themselves better. When they spend significant amount of time to explore the world, they will be surprised by spectacular architecture, distinctive culture and harmonious biology circle. Those experiences will deepen their understanding about life and world. A good example is Peter Dinklage, who 4 years to travel after graduating from school, is the most famous actor all over the world now. In his autobiography, he claimed that those experiences are extremely important for his later actor career as he found his true personalities and suitable partners in this period.

However for some graduates, taking gap year may important but not as important as some realistic issues. When student graduate from university, most of them have to find a suitable job to raise the family and pay the loan. A good example is student from remote and poor area. Their parents spent most of their savings to invest their children’s education program. Therefore, their children should get a job as soon as possible, in order to improve the life quality of their family.
Moreover, a suitable job can also help graduates to explore their true personalities. Job is not only a way of making money, but a way to improve employee’s skill, knowledge and social circle. If graduates have detailed plan on their career path and know what they want in the future. They can directly start their professional career without taking years to travel and explore themselves.

In conclusion, taking gap year is suitable for some people who have no experience at all, but may not efficient for people who already have life and career experience. Nowadays, university has lot of programs that allow students to maintain skill and society experience. It is also a good way for current students to prepare their career in advance.

Can somebody correct my essay and address the issue I need to improve?
Thanks

before they start
par1
Nowadays, people began to value the real-life experience. They claim that students especially university graduates should take a gap year in order to acquire some experience before starting their professional career. In my opinion, it may be helpful for those who have no experience at all, but it could be not suitable for others.
para 2
To begin with, it is undeniable that taking a gap year holds merit, as it can help students to study themselves better. When making an effort to explore the world, they will be surprised by the spectacular architecture, distinctive culture and harmonious biology circle. Those experiences will deepen their understandings about people's life and the world. Take Peter Dinklage, a famous actor who spend 4 years to travel after graduation, for example. In his autobiography, he claims that those experiences are critical for his later acting career, because he found his true personality and ideal partners during the travelling.


This is a sample, you can make the rest by yourself, I think you need to take care with your word choice ,, be accurate and clean. There is lots of improving space. Good luck overall I think your level is at around 6, topic addressed well around 7 but need more more more effort in content.

devinp wrote:before they start
par1
Nowadays, people began to value the real-life experience. They claim that students especially university graduates should take a gap year in order to acquire some experience before starting their professional career. In my opinion, it may be helpful for those who have no experience at all, but it could be not suitable for others.
para 2
To begin with, it is undeniable that taking a gap year holds merit, as it can help students to study themselves better. When making an effort to explore the world, they will be surprised by the spectacular architecture, distinctive culture and harmonious biology circle. Those experiences will deepen their understandings about people's life and the world. Take Peter Dinklage, a famous actor who spend 4 years to travel after graduation, for example. In his autobiography, he claims that those experiences are critical for his later acting career, because he found his true personality and ideal partners during the travelling.


This is a sample, you can make the rest by yourself, I think you need to take care with your word choice ,, be accurate and clean. There is lots of improving space. Good luck overall I think your level is at around 6, topic addressed well around 7 but need more more more effort in content.

thanks man I will try my best to improve that part!