[Task2] Money work and life topic
Posted: Sun Nov 09, 2014 3:58 pm
Hello everyone,
My name is Sam. I am from Vietnam and targeting a band score of 7.0 in IETLS writing.
Please help me correct the mistakes as well as provide the estimated band score according to your experience.
Many thanks for your warmly concern, dear!
Some people say that money can make life easier and more comfortable. But others say that having a great amount of wealth can bring some problems.
What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of having a lot of money?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
It is indisputable fact that possession of a amount of money allows people to live more conveniently; however, there are several potential dangers. The pros and cons of this issue have been debated much upon and this essay aims to highlight both.
The most obvious benefit gained from wealth is its significant encouragement towards the economic growth, which is attributed by the noticeable escalation in the individual’s productivity at work caused by their ability to afford academic programs at a wider range of prestigious academic institutes. Also, we should not forget to point out how this practice resonating with the development of technology could bring about the positive consequences on facilitating women with easier housewives’ life because the fact that due to the availability of state of the art electronic devices, hardly any housework are now totally accomplished manually. For example, according to a study conducted by the Time recently, a remarkable 30% of woman from classy families have not done housework themselves for the past 5 years.
However, we should not turn a blind eye to the expected undesirable outcomes, one of which is the increasing quantity of conflicts as well as social evils in the society, which are resulted in by the fact while siblings’ domestic conflicts may be intensified when each child trying to get a larger share of the massive inheritance upon the death of their parents, some youngsters who are lured by others’ wealth commit various crimes in pursuit of instant welfare. Another threat worth preparing for is the negative influence of this practice on children’s personality development because of parents’ prevalent misconception that greater amount of monetary support can make up for their lack of care of their children, which is blame for not only the child’s isolation to his poorer peers but also his bad behaviors due to customs of spending money without the adults’ supervision at such an early age. My cousin who was ruined by his parents’ money and convicted for snatching someone’s bag on the street for fun would serve as a concrete example.
In conclusion, it is thus imperative for people to be fully aware of both merits and pitfalls associated with money before making decision of pursuing wealth in order to increase their living standards.
My name is Sam. I am from Vietnam and targeting a band score of 7.0 in IETLS writing.
Please help me correct the mistakes as well as provide the estimated band score according to your experience.
Many thanks for your warmly concern, dear!
Some people say that money can make life easier and more comfortable. But others say that having a great amount of wealth can bring some problems.
What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of having a lot of money?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
It is indisputable fact that possession of a amount of money allows people to live more conveniently; however, there are several potential dangers. The pros and cons of this issue have been debated much upon and this essay aims to highlight both.
The most obvious benefit gained from wealth is its significant encouragement towards the economic growth, which is attributed by the noticeable escalation in the individual’s productivity at work caused by their ability to afford academic programs at a wider range of prestigious academic institutes. Also, we should not forget to point out how this practice resonating with the development of technology could bring about the positive consequences on facilitating women with easier housewives’ life because the fact that due to the availability of state of the art electronic devices, hardly any housework are now totally accomplished manually. For example, according to a study conducted by the Time recently, a remarkable 30% of woman from classy families have not done housework themselves for the past 5 years.
However, we should not turn a blind eye to the expected undesirable outcomes, one of which is the increasing quantity of conflicts as well as social evils in the society, which are resulted in by the fact while siblings’ domestic conflicts may be intensified when each child trying to get a larger share of the massive inheritance upon the death of their parents, some youngsters who are lured by others’ wealth commit various crimes in pursuit of instant welfare. Another threat worth preparing for is the negative influence of this practice on children’s personality development because of parents’ prevalent misconception that greater amount of monetary support can make up for their lack of care of their children, which is blame for not only the child’s isolation to his poorer peers but also his bad behaviors due to customs of spending money without the adults’ supervision at such an early age. My cousin who was ruined by his parents’ money and convicted for snatching someone’s bag on the street for fun would serve as a concrete example.
In conclusion, it is thus imperative for people to be fully aware of both merits and pitfalls associated with money before making decision of pursuing wealth in order to increase their living standards.
