Please help to improve my essay

[Saya]

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.
What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?
Changing of generations always has been an essential part of life circle on the planet. However, today, this phenomenon slowed down in most developed countries of the world. According to the recent statistics, the birth rate will continue to decrease over the next 50 years, so, by 2030 more than one third of the population in these states will be aged 65 and over. It is believed to have more negative effects on societies rather than positives.
Firstly, the declining nature of young generation catalyzes the lack of workforce in national economies. Take Japan as an example. As Japanese population is growing older the more factories have to reduce their workplaces because there will not be enough youth to replace them. Hence, it will slow down economic growth of the state. Thus, these predicted figures will affect national economies of developing countries.
Moreover, the expenses of nation to sustain its retired people are likely to surge by 2030. Therefore, it is obvious that the social burden of caring for aged group of population will be held by disproportionately less number of younger generations.
In order to prevent this unnatural misbalance that causes issues, government should maintain stimulating demography policy. One of the possible solutions could be the usage of wide range of preferences for giving birth. Another way is promote the role of family and motherhood in modern society.
Overall, the problem of aging population in most developed countries is very challenging and should be considered more accurate by experts.
(250 words)

P.S I couldn't come up with examples=(( Maybe, you, guys, have any suggetions?

[Flick]

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.
What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

Changing of generations always has been an essential part of the planet's life cycle. However, today, this phenomenon has slowed down in most developed countries of the world. According to recent statistics, the birth rate will continue to decrease over the next 50 years, so, by 2030, more than one third of the population in these countries will be aged 65 and over. It is believed to have more negative effects on societies rather than positives.

Firstly, the declining nature of younger generations catalyzes the lack of workforce in national economies. Take Japan as an example. As the Japanese population is growing older, factories have to reduce their workplaces because there are not enough new workers to replace retiring workers. Hence, it will slow down economic growth of the country. Thus, these predicted figures will affect national economies of developing countries.

Moreover, the costs required to sustain retired people are likely to surge by 2030. Therefore, it is obvious that the social burden of caring for an aging population will be held by disproportionately fewer people in the younger generations.
In order to prevent this unnatural misbalance that causes issues, governments should maintain stimulating demography policy. One of the possible solutions could be the usage of a wide range of preferences for giving birth. Another way is to promote the role of family and motherhood in modern society.
Overall, the problem of aging populations in most developed countries is very challenging and should be considered more seriously by experts.
(250 words)

P.S I couldn't come up with examples=(( Maybe, you, guys, have any suggetions?

[Saya]

Thank you! One quiestion, why can't I use "state" instead of "country" to avoid repetition?

[Flick]

Hi Saya,

A state is an area within a country. For example, in the USA, Texas is a state.
Your essay was referring to a whole country, so it is better to be re-use the word.
Hope this helps.

Flick