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Feedback! Please!=)

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 7:52 am
by Saya
In many parts of the world there is a continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves.
Discuss both this views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
Technological breakthrough has enabled people to watch sport at comfort of home. Therefore, nowadays, watching television is become a very popular pastime. Some people think it is very convenient that sport events are broadcasted by mass media. However, others afraid that this will discourage young generation from taking part in sport themselves. These points of view will be discussed in this essay.
It is believed by some that watching sports on television catalyze the unwillingness of youth to do sport activities themselves. An idea that supports this is that the feelings of satisfaction and excitement can be subsisted by just watching matches rather than playing it. It can be argued that this satisfaction will be enough for youth so they continue to stay at home and watch sport cannels. Thus, it is clear why people gravitate towards this point of view.
On the other hand, many argue that watching sports assists in understanding of teenager what his favourite sport is as well as stimulates him try to do it himself. For instance, my brother initially watched football cups on television and then he begun to play football too. Thus, the functioning of sport cannels encourages sport fans to do particular sport by involving them.
Despite of the popular apprehension about discouraging young of taking part in the sport by mass media continues coverage, it is admitted that this has its own positive sides. After analyzing these two points of view it clear that match broadcasting helps people to do a proper choice of their hobbies. It is predicted that watching sports on television will remain popular entertainment throughout the world.
(270 words)

Re: Feedback! Please!=)

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 9:50 am
by argho1985
Saya wrote:In many parts of the world there is a continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves.
Discuss both this views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.
Technological breakthrough has enabled people to watch sport at comfort of home. Therefore, nowadays, watching television is become a very popular pastime. Some people think it is very convenient that sport events are broadcasted by mass media. However, others afraid that this will discourage young generation from taking part in sport themselves. These points of view will be discussed in this essay.
It is believed by some that watching sports on television catalyze the unwillingness of youth to do sport activities themselves. An idea that supports this is that the feelings of satisfaction and excitement can be subsisted by just watching matches rather than playing it. It can be argued that this satisfaction will be enough for youth so they continue to stay at home and watch sport cannels. Thus, it is clear why people gravitate towards this point of view.
On the other hand, many argue that watching sports assists in understanding of teenager what his favourite sport is as well as stimulates him try to do it himself. For instance, my brother initially watched football cups on television and then he begun to play football too. Thus, the functioning of sport cannels encourages sport fans to do particular sport by involving them.
Despite of the popular apprehension about discouraging young of taking part in the sport by mass media continues coverage, it is admitted that this has its own positive sides. After analyzing these two points of view it clear that match broadcasting helps people to do a proper choice of their hobbies. It is predicted that watching sports on television will remain popular entertainment throughout the world.
(270 words)

Hi,

Nice write up..

a) Usage of linking words is less
b) spelling error words should be channel or favorite
c) if you using linking word like on the other hand .. you should use on one hand also..that's the correct usage

Argho

Re: Feedback! Please!=)

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 12:06 pm
by Shreyas
positives:
accomplished the task response.
use of complex vocabulary

Negatives:
No use of transitions ( however, moreover etc )

Re: Feedback! Please!=)

Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:09 pm
by Saya
Hi! Thank you! I'll notice your advice.
Please, check it also. Hope, this one better=)

Some people believe in the traditional idea that the woman’s place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated and that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion?
A few generations ago traditional view of woman as a housekeeper has been collapsed. Nowadays most women are working, moreover, they have achieved some career success on par with men. However, there are still vivid debates about true woman’s role in society. While some people believe that the woman’s place is in the home, others argue that women should play an important role in the workplace. Both these points of view will be analyzed in this order.
It is apparent that women had been caring for children and household throughout the history. After wives and mothers begun to work, their time to look after the family and home has been shortened. For instance, a woman building her career often flies away for business trips and therefore she cannot afford to spend much time with family members. That is raised new problem and it is understandable that keeping wife at home is a one of possible solutions to this.
Nevertheless today’s trend of women workers and top managers continues to grow and spreads to the new nationalities with strong traditional views, such as Turk and Indian. It is believed that trough job and career success women can be independent and confident and it also helps her in realization of creative ideas. Take my mother as an illustration. She works as a teacher, because it brings her satisfaction of well done job and she likes communicate with children and colleagues. So it is true that some women with job are happier than one without. It is shown that woman’s role on workplace is increasing in the temporarily world on various bases of emotional or financial issues.
To conclude, after discussion of both opinions, I personally gravitate to second judgment that women should realise herself in her occupation. It is predicted that females also will play a key role in the workplace of the future.
(312 words)