lower crime rate..(please leave your feedback)

[kylesun0513]

Question: Some people think to lower the crime rate, criminals should be given longer terms in prison. To what extent do you agree?

The rising crime rate, one of the most sensitive issues, needs to be thoroughly dealt with by the government. In recent years, a voice is raised up among the general public, suggesting giving longer imprisonment to convicts in order to play an alarming role in reducing the crime rate. However, it is believed that there are a variety of other measures that can also effectively alleviate this situation.

It has been proven that a stricter punishment toward outlaws exerts a significant influence over lessoning law-breakings and maintaining a harmony in society. For instance, the government of Singapore has been always using strict regulations to prevent people from committing crimes. Individuals, no matter citizens or foreigners, will face very serious punishment if they break the law. Therefore, it helps the government with providing a safe and stable environment for its residents.

However, along with giving criminals longer sentence, it might come with an issue of prison overcrowding. It costs the government an enormous amount of money to manage inmates and maintain a good living-condition based on their rudimentary rights inside jail. In addition, criminals who spend more time in prison left their family without taking care of, creating a range of social welfare issues, which would also bring society some negative effects.

In order to maintain a lower crime rate in a more sustainable way, there are other measures worth to adopt. First of all, lawbreakers who have committed a minor degree of crime can be punished to engage in community labour or service. It is not a wise idea of sending all of them to jail without reconsidering how serious do the crimes that have been committed damage our society. If the result of crime is minor and the intention was not essentially so evil, it is unnecessary to give prison sentences. Furthermore, education or psychological counselling also plays a vital role in rehabilitating inmates and preventing individuals from re-committing crime. Educating Criminals the abilities to make a living through rehabilitation program will effectively help them re-establish self-esteem, thus they are able to recover and function better in society.

In conclusion, to give criminals longer term of imprisonment is a potential crime deterrent that individuals will think twice about the serious consequence before committing crime. However, the negative effects of longer imprisonment need to be taken into account, thus other alternatives, such as community service and rehabilitation program will also help lower down the crime rate.


My goal is to get band 7 in writing, unfortunately I just had a band 6 in my last attempt. I appreciate if anyone can check out my essay and give me some advices.

[durai]

Hi,

at this stage I suggest you to limit your essay length to 270 to 280 words with 4 paragraphs...
if you are getting band 6 means your grammar is good but may lack accuracy...by limiting word counts you reduce your mistakes too....

[kylesun0513]

Hi,

at this stage I suggest you to limit your essay length to 270 to 280 words with 4 paragraphs...
if you are getting band 6 means your grammar is good but may lack accuracy...by limiting word counts you reduce your mistakes too....

Thank you durai for the advice, it is very helpful. Just wondering that, through the essay above, Do i have some obvious grammatical errors or some structure problems?