Could you please make comments on my writing?
Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 1:12 pm
Hi everybody!
I am Kate and I am the newbie of our forum. I am starting to practice IELTS for the official exam on 8th November. Thanks God I found out this interesting forum. My English is at intermediate level, so I hope in the next weeks it can be improved a little bit. I hope we have wonderful time in here ^_^
Below is my writing today. This is the first writing sample of mine for Writing Task 2. I did not go any where for study, so I wish everyone can help me in commenting on the writing.
Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. (in Test 1-Cam 8)
Education has long been one of the most important factor in building a good person; and needless to say, a good person is the need for a sustainable society. For this reason, educating a child to be a good member of society is not only the responsibility of the family where the child is raised and grows up, but also the school where he/she is taught by teachers and stays connected with the other children.
School is an ideal environment for the development of a child. Children nowadays spend most of the day there. There are teachers, classmates, schoolmates at school and children can learn a lot of good things from them. Teachers helps children absorb the information about the world, motivate them to discover the exciting history as well as the humanarity that former people always bore in mind. Good teachers are usually regarded as second mothers of children. They are not only the ones who transfer knowledge but also the ones who raise children besides their mothers. Therefore, whether children become good persons or not depends partly on teachers.
Besides, school provides chilren with a lot of mates, games and activities. Teachers try to create the best environment for children to study. Activities at school can turn the hard information at class into easier things to remember. Furthermore, acitvities sharpen children’s living skills without their recognition. Children can learn though working with other mates the spirit of teamwork, the so-called collective union and even the lesson of getting over failures and achieving victories after difficulties. In one word, to be a good person for society can not subtract the role of school.
Nevertheless, it is family where all the hardest lessons are taught the most efficiently. It is family where every child is born and raised. No matter how interesting school is, children still want to fly to their home when the school bell is rung. Every good mark at class will be given first to their fathers and mothers. It is family where children can ask for their toys and dishes they wish to eat. What stands behind all these facts is love. Family love can heat up all people’s hearts. Thomas Edison used to be insulted by classmates, but he was warmly supported and believed by his mother, therefore he quited school at 8 years old and all the lessons then was taught by his mother. On the other side, without love at family, children can not be cheerful at class and any crack in their souls created at family is unable to be healed at school. Psychological hurt can affect badly to the children and instead of good members, the society may have evils.
Moreover, children usually take after their parents, not the others’. Hence, every good and bad action taken by parents have a great impact on children. For a child to be a good person, firstly their parents must be good persons.
However, family can not take all the education roles of school. Parents can not be next to their children all the time. Therefore, the best solution for training a child to be a good member for society is cleverly combining the two environments. School gives children knowledge in a variety of aspects and essential soft skills, while family confirms them and to be a model for children to follow. In fact, the most basic thing of a good person is love, so the role of family is a little more important. Love of parents to their children can create power for them to grow up a good member for society. For this reason, fathers and mothers should not only provide children with tangible assets, but also let children feel the warmth of love towards them. With love at family and good environment at school, a child will surely become an angel of the future world./.
I am Kate and I am the newbie of our forum. I am starting to practice IELTS for the official exam on 8th November. Thanks God I found out this interesting forum. My English is at intermediate level, so I hope in the next weeks it can be improved a little bit. I hope we have wonderful time in here ^_^
Below is my writing today. This is the first writing sample of mine for Writing Task 2. I did not go any where for study, so I wish everyone can help me in commenting on the writing.
Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. (in Test 1-Cam 8)
Education has long been one of the most important factor in building a good person; and needless to say, a good person is the need for a sustainable society. For this reason, educating a child to be a good member of society is not only the responsibility of the family where the child is raised and grows up, but also the school where he/she is taught by teachers and stays connected with the other children.
School is an ideal environment for the development of a child. Children nowadays spend most of the day there. There are teachers, classmates, schoolmates at school and children can learn a lot of good things from them. Teachers helps children absorb the information about the world, motivate them to discover the exciting history as well as the humanarity that former people always bore in mind. Good teachers are usually regarded as second mothers of children. They are not only the ones who transfer knowledge but also the ones who raise children besides their mothers. Therefore, whether children become good persons or not depends partly on teachers.
Besides, school provides chilren with a lot of mates, games and activities. Teachers try to create the best environment for children to study. Activities at school can turn the hard information at class into easier things to remember. Furthermore, acitvities sharpen children’s living skills without their recognition. Children can learn though working with other mates the spirit of teamwork, the so-called collective union and even the lesson of getting over failures and achieving victories after difficulties. In one word, to be a good person for society can not subtract the role of school.
Nevertheless, it is family where all the hardest lessons are taught the most efficiently. It is family where every child is born and raised. No matter how interesting school is, children still want to fly to their home when the school bell is rung. Every good mark at class will be given first to their fathers and mothers. It is family where children can ask for their toys and dishes they wish to eat. What stands behind all these facts is love. Family love can heat up all people’s hearts. Thomas Edison used to be insulted by classmates, but he was warmly supported and believed by his mother, therefore he quited school at 8 years old and all the lessons then was taught by his mother. On the other side, without love at family, children can not be cheerful at class and any crack in their souls created at family is unable to be healed at school. Psychological hurt can affect badly to the children and instead of good members, the society may have evils.
Moreover, children usually take after their parents, not the others’. Hence, every good and bad action taken by parents have a great impact on children. For a child to be a good person, firstly their parents must be good persons.
However, family can not take all the education roles of school. Parents can not be next to their children all the time. Therefore, the best solution for training a child to be a good member for society is cleverly combining the two environments. School gives children knowledge in a variety of aspects and essential soft skills, while family confirms them and to be a model for children to follow. In fact, the most basic thing of a good person is love, so the role of family is a little more important. Love of parents to their children can create power for them to grow up a good member for society. For this reason, fathers and mothers should not only provide children with tangible assets, but also let children feel the warmth of love towards them. With love at family and good environment at school, a child will surely become an angel of the future world./.