Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of greater responsibilities.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
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Answer:
In every chapter of a person life differs the kind of satisfaction that they may experience. It is being argued that teenage life is more fulfilling compare to adult. There are different factors that may contribute in this kind of attitude towards life, while most of the teen thought that being in love is the happiest moment, on the other hand for the adult its their family. These two factors will be discuss in this essay.
Firstly, most of the youth nowadays, correlate their happiness by being in love with someone. It is their avenue to express their feelings toward their partner. Furthermore, in this stage of life, the emotion is so strong that provide the sense of gladness. Thus, it is clearly show, that teenage love life can be one of the rewarding moments worth to experience with.
Secondly, being an adult requires more responsibilities to think of, since in this stage family is the source of strength regardless of any difficulty in life. One good example is my dad, as he is working for more than 40 years now and when people ask what gives him the ability to continue working, he will firmly say that knowing his family is having a very rewarding quality of life gives him satisfaction. Hence, it is very evident that an adult happiest moment is knowing his family is well taken care of.
It is being concluded, although teenage and adult life vary their happiness on a different point of view but still, it is consider their most memorable moments. I strongly believe that happiness does not come from certain age level, however, it is correlating from the person character by being grateful all the years of their life.
Note: Please criticize my writing I need at least band of 7, i have the exam this coming august 16.
I need your feedback please GT writing task 2
Re: I need your feedback please GT writing task 2
Hi there
Do not use - firstly , secondly - in discussion essays - use them Iin agree- disagree essays
Use - on one side - on the other side
Or
On one hand - first para
On the other hand - second para
Keep you opinion for the conclusion para
Try - best of luck
Do not use - firstly , secondly - in discussion essays - use them Iin agree- disagree essays
Use - on one side - on the other side
Or
On one hand - first para
On the other hand - second para
Keep you opinion for the conclusion para
Try - best of luck
-
allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: I need your feedback please GT writing task 2
I'd like to comment a little on your grammar in the first two paragraph:
In every chapter of a person's life,it differs the kind of satisfaction that he or she may experience.
You see your problems?
1. As you used "in every...", then it is a adverbial clause. So your sentence has no subject for the verb "differs".
2. As you used "a person" then you cannot use "they".
It is being argued that teenages' life is more fulfilling compared with adults. There are different factors that may contribute in this kind of attitude towards life, while most of the teens think that being in love is the happiest thing, on the other hand for the adult, it's their family. These two factors will be discussed in this essay.
You have too many problems in your grammar. some of your sentences are difficult to understand.
In every chapter of a person's life,it differs the kind of satisfaction that he or she may experience.
You see your problems?
1. As you used "in every...", then it is a adverbial clause. So your sentence has no subject for the verb "differs".
2. As you used "a person" then you cannot use "they".
It is being argued that teenages' life is more fulfilling compared with adults. There are different factors that may contribute in this kind of attitude towards life, while most of the teens think that being in love is the happiest thing, on the other hand for the adult, it's their family. These two factors will be discussed in this essay.
You have too many problems in your grammar. some of your sentences are difficult to understand.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Re: I need your feedback please GT writing task 2
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of greater responsibilities.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer:
In every chapter of a person's life differs the kind of satisfaction that they may experience. It is being argued that teenage life is more fulfilling when compared to adulthood. There are different factors that may contribute in this kind of attitude towards life, while most of the teen thought that being in love is the happiest moment, on the other hand for the adult it's their family.(Try to minimize the length of this sentence, it is losing the coherence) These two factors will be discussed in this essay.
Firstly, most of the youth nowadays, correlate their happiness by being in love with someone.(re write this sentence) It is their avenue to express their feelings toward their partner(cannot understand what you mean in here). Furthermore, in this stage of life, the emotion is so strong that provide the sense of gladness.(????) Thus, it is clearly show, that teenage love life can be one of the rewarding moments worth to experience with.
Secondly, being an adult requires more responsibilities to think of, since in this stage family is the source of strength regardless of any difficulty in life(meaningless sentence). One good example is my dad, as he is working for more than 40 years now and when people ask what gives him the ability to continue working, he will firmly say that knowing his family is having a very rewarding quality of life gives him satisfaction. Hence, it is very evident that an adult happiest moment is knowing his family is well taken care of.
It is being concluded, although teenage and adult life vary their happiness on a different point of view, it is consider their most memorable moments. I strongly believe that happiness does not come from certain age level, however, it is correlating from the person character by being grateful all the years of their life.
You must work on your grammar side to get a score of band 7
1)Plenty of basic grammar mistakes are present.
2) study basics about sentence formation.
3)punctuation
Practice well and learn grammatical rules.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer:
In every chapter of a person's life differs the kind of satisfaction that they may experience. It is being argued that teenage life is more fulfilling when compared to adulthood. There are different factors that may contribute in this kind of attitude towards life, while most of the teen thought that being in love is the happiest moment, on the other hand for the adult it's their family.(Try to minimize the length of this sentence, it is losing the coherence) These two factors will be discussed in this essay.
Firstly, most of the youth nowadays, correlate their happiness by being in love with someone.(re write this sentence) It is their avenue to express their feelings toward their partner(cannot understand what you mean in here). Furthermore, in this stage of life, the emotion is so strong that provide the sense of gladness.(????) Thus, it is clearly show, that teenage love life can be one of the rewarding moments worth to experience with.
Secondly, being an adult requires more responsibilities to think of, since in this stage family is the source of strength regardless of any difficulty in life(meaningless sentence). One good example is my dad, as he is working for more than 40 years now and when people ask what gives him the ability to continue working, he will firmly say that knowing his family is having a very rewarding quality of life gives him satisfaction. Hence, it is very evident that an adult happiest moment is knowing his family is well taken care of.
It is being concluded, although teenage and adult life vary their happiness on a different point of view, it is consider their most memorable moments. I strongly believe that happiness does not come from certain age level, however, it is correlating from the person character by being grateful all the years of their life.
You must work on your grammar side to get a score of band 7
1)Plenty of basic grammar mistakes are present.
2) study basics about sentence formation.
3)punctuation
Practice well and learn grammatical rules.
Re: I need your feedback please GT writing task 2
thank you for all your comments and for point out all my mistakes. I will keep on practicing... 