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Please comment on my Essay and give me feedback

Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:49 am
by Ali Ehsan
Task-II

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Advertisement is one of the very useful means of selling products. There are two prevailing views about the use of advertisement in this regard. One claims that it attracts buyers to buy things irrespective of their needs. Other argues that it may help buyers to increase their awareness about new products in the market, which tends to improve their life style. It is agreed that most often, advertisements urge us to buy useless things. It will be shown by analyzing the way advertisements contaminate people’s mind and exaggerate in presenting products.

Firstly, advertisements help manufacturers to capture people’s mind. For example, many companies use famous movie stars or sports persons as their brand ambassadors to increase sale of their products. Using ads on television, newspapers and street hoardings, people are made to believe that certain products are need of their life and necessary for maintaining a reputable status in the society. In this way, people are overwhelmed to acquire things, which they really do not need.


Secondly, products are presented in an exaggerate manner in advertisements. For instance, each and every company tends to prove her product as the best one in the market. In doing so, only the good face of the product is shown to people, hiding its other side. In this way, people are enticed to buy things by overlooking at their defects and shortcomings.

In short, advertisements in today’s world are used to capture people’s mind using different ways in presenting their products. Sometimes, they also help to improve awareness among people, but their use in this respect is very limited.

Re: Please comment on my Essay and give me feedback

Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 3:40 pm
by durai
Advertisement is one of the strategies used for selling products. There are two prevailing views about the use of advertisement in this regard. One claims that it attracts buyers to buy things irrespective of their needs. Others argue that it may help buyers to increase their awareness about new products in the market, no comma which tends to improve their life style. It is agreed that advertisements urge us to buy useless inaccurate synonym, there is lot of difference between useless things and things that we do not need things. It will be shown by analyzing the way advertisements contaminate people’s mind can people's mind be contaminated, wrong word choiceand exaggerate in presenting products.
weak and bit long introduction, error in usage of vocabulary, try to write within 3 sentences and around 40- 50 words

Firstly, advertisements help manufacturers to capture people’s mind. For example, many companies instead of generalizing like "many companies", use specific such as " Coco cola company use- name sports person- as thier ambassadors to attract people use famous movie stars or sports persons as their brand ambassadors to increase sale of their products. Ads on television, newspapers and street hoardings make people to believe that certain products are need for their life and necessary for maintaining a reputable status in the society. In this way, people are convinced to acquire things, which are not essential.


Secondly, products are presented in an exaggerate manner in advertisements. you need to Subject and object; Advertisements present products in an exaggerate manner. For instance, each and every company again name a company and their product , that will convince the reader tends to prove their product as the best one in the market by ads. In doing so, only the positives of the product are shown to people, hiding its drawbacks. In this way, people are persuaded to buy unnecessary things.

In short, advertisements in today’s world are used to capture people’s mind same phrase used again, try to vary your language using different ways in presenting their products. the meaning is unclear in thsi sentence, consider rewording it From this essay, it is clear that advertisements extort people to buy unessential products. Sometimes, they also help to improve awareness among people, dont put other idea in the conclusion if you weren't discussed in the supporting paragraphs. here ,you said it is useful sometimes but you haven't discussed, so it may seen as a new idea in the conclusion but their use in this respect is very limited.

Re: Please comment on my Essay and give me feedback

Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:33 pm
by Ali Ehsan
Thank you Durai for your valuable suggestions.

BR,
Ali