Please assess my General Writing Task 2.

[vikasggn]

In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, while in other countries, they are allowed to do almost anything they want .
To what extent children should have to follow rules?
===========================================================================================================
Some of the nations have got fairly liberal views and openness as far as behavior and living is concerned. However, there are still some parts of the world deeply entangled in conservative thoughts and opinions. Children are one of the most impacted parties because of these choices and need to be carefully dealt with. Personally, I come from the school of thought where we should let the kids live with their own freedom of choice.

Within a society, behavioral rules and regulations are typically governed by the cultural, religious or family sentiments. Thoughts of dressing, eating, respecting others are heavily influenced by the place we live and how we are brought up. In some of the countries like India, Pakistan and Gulf Countries, a lot of discipline is imbibed in the children to follow these customs from their early childhood. On the other hand, nations like US, UK, Australia and European world allow children to live their own life and take their own decisions.

Rules and regulations certainly allow kids to be more disciplined and closer to their family values and ethics. They learn some good things on the way like proper dressing sense, good eating habits, respect for elders and healthier belief in God . While these are all very important aspects of life, what the Children loose is the flexibility of decision making. Few accept it, however, there are many who are not able to do so and either gets into a revolt or depression. Extreme steps follow like running away from family, drug addiction or excessive drinking and in worst case, suicide attempts.

In my view, beyond an age, we should allow Children to take their own decisions supported by some openness in societal thoughts. Times are changing now. Imperative that we should give ample importance to good habits. However, a conservative and stubborn view should not take away the focus from other important aspects of life e.g. studies, career and serving the community/country. Life is for living happily and not for binding someone against his or her will.

[devaraj]

Avoid "we" in your essay

Thoughts of dressing, eating, respecting others are heavily influenced by the place we live and how we are brought up.--> respecting "others" apt word is respecting elders

Thoughts of dressing, eating, respecting elders are heavily influenced by the place they live and how they are brought up.

In my view, beyond an age, we should allow Children to take their own decisions supported by some openness in societal thoughts. Times are changing now. Imperative that we should give ample importance to good habits.


In my view, beyond an age, Children should be allowed to take their own decision supported by some openness in societal thoughts. Imperative that parent should give ample importance to good habits.

Overall good essay, it look like 6 band essay. Still improvement needed. All the best.

[vikasggn]

Thanks Devaraj. Appreciate your feedback.

Regards
Vikas Arora

[saqibali]

I think an essay written by Ryan on same topic is available