Recent IELTS topic- Please evaluate the essay
Posted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:16 pm
Kindly evaluate my essay and give potential band score-:
I have an exam on 21st November so please give some suggestions to improve.
More and more people these days work harder for longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? Use relevant examples to support your view.
Competition at workplace has been growing since the dawn of time. Workers tend to do longer shifts than usual to keep their jobs safe. There are, however, several causes which influence them to work for more than eight hours every day. Job security and financial needs are the main reason which leads them to work exceptionally hard. Due to spending enormous time in office, people are not able to spend much time with their family and their beloved ones.
To begin with, education system of most of the countries has been improved a lot over the last decade, which has increased the competition to find a job. Therefore, numbers of job vacancies and jobs available never matches. Also, if one gets a job, they have to work beyond expectations to save their jobs, and to prove themselves better than their colleagues. In addition, financial needs of individuals also force them to work beyond normal hours to earn extra money. For instance, if a company pays 1.5 of the regular salary to the employees for working beyond normal hours, then needy employees never deny and happily work for longer hours to earn extra money. This helps them to fulfil their monetary needs.
Furthermore, these changes in the working habits have affected the family and social life of a person adversely. As people spend most of their time in work, they hardly get time to talk to their families and friends. They even have all of their meals in office. Take working couples as an example, due to busy schedule in their respective offices, they usually get chance to meet each other only over the weekend. People are keener in earning more money rather than doing anything for society. Due to less spare time, people are unable to attend any social functions or do anything for society. Undoubtedly, they are setting up bad example for the society.
To sum up, working culture in corporate and other business sectors are affecting one’s family and social life negatively to a large extent. Although, government has implied some strict laws to restrict long working hours, but they have failed to revoke it completely due to global competition.
I have an exam on 21st November so please give some suggestions to improve.
More and more people these days work harder for longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? Use relevant examples to support your view.
Competition at workplace has been growing since the dawn of time. Workers tend to do longer shifts than usual to keep their jobs safe. There are, however, several causes which influence them to work for more than eight hours every day. Job security and financial needs are the main reason which leads them to work exceptionally hard. Due to spending enormous time in office, people are not able to spend much time with their family and their beloved ones.
To begin with, education system of most of the countries has been improved a lot over the last decade, which has increased the competition to find a job. Therefore, numbers of job vacancies and jobs available never matches. Also, if one gets a job, they have to work beyond expectations to save their jobs, and to prove themselves better than their colleagues. In addition, financial needs of individuals also force them to work beyond normal hours to earn extra money. For instance, if a company pays 1.5 of the regular salary to the employees for working beyond normal hours, then needy employees never deny and happily work for longer hours to earn extra money. This helps them to fulfil their monetary needs.
Furthermore, these changes in the working habits have affected the family and social life of a person adversely. As people spend most of their time in work, they hardly get time to talk to their families and friends. They even have all of their meals in office. Take working couples as an example, due to busy schedule in their respective offices, they usually get chance to meet each other only over the weekend. People are keener in earning more money rather than doing anything for society. Due to less spare time, people are unable to attend any social functions or do anything for society. Undoubtedly, they are setting up bad example for the society.
To sum up, working culture in corporate and other business sectors are affecting one’s family and social life negatively to a large extent. Although, government has implied some strict laws to restrict long working hours, but they have failed to revoke it completely due to global competition.