Please Rate My General Task 1 Letter:12

[harshaabba]

Write a letter to local council regarding the plan of replacement of a library with a supermarket; you need to write the following:
- where did you get this information,
- the disadvantages of having a supermarket instead of the library,
- importance of the library

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to express my concern about the plan of moving the library in Model town with a supermarket. I heard about this plan through weekly tabloid paper of our area.

Over the past few years, our town has undergone rapid development in many different ways. Many world Class universities came to this town and now they are catering for local and foreign students. In addition, infrastructure facilities have developed in terms of high ways, three phase electricity, pure water etc. In turn, these have added high congestion and pollution to the town. Adding a supermarket would worsen all these issues further. More traffic jam would introduce and environment would get polluted.

This Library has been there for last 30 years’ time. This provides great benefits to the local and foreign people as well. Many students in ton area go to this library for their studies and this consist of ancient books really helps to understand how our ancestors live. They are very valuable to carry out research and resolve the curiosities. Last but not least, The elderly people of our community sit there for hours enjoying the latest newspapers and magazines, which enables them to remain up to date knowledge about their surroundings.

So, I urge you to please reconsider your plan and drop the idea of a supermarket. People need the library more than anything else.

Hoping for a prompt consideration of this urgent request!

Yours faithfully,
Harsha

[blacktie]

Dear Sir, I would suggest addressing the letter to 'Sir/Madam' instead, unless you know the letter is specifically directed at a certain male - though in that case, it would make more sense to address it to them directly (e.g. Dear Mr. Smith,).

I am writing this letter to express my concern about the plan of replacing the library in Model town with a supermarket. I heard about this plan through a weekly tabloid paper of our area.

The first sentence is good as it gets straight to the point, though I would recommend re-wording it slightly: 'I am writing to inform you of my concerns regarding the replacement of the Model Town library with a supermarket.' It just sounds a little more professional this way. I'd then go into more detail about how you discovered this information; something along the lines of 'I was made aware of these proposed changes after reading an article published on page [page number] in [newspaper name] published on [date].' If you're writing about a hypothetical situation, just make up the details about the newspaper - you may get extra points for this detailed creativity!

Over the past few years, our town has undergone rapid development in many different ways. Many world-class universities came to this town and now they are catering for local and foreign students. In addition, infrastructure facilities have developed in terms of highways, three-phase electricity, pure water etc. In turn, these have added high congestion and pollution to the town. Adding a supermarket would worsen all these issues further. More traffic jams would introduce (introduce what? Did you mean to use this word?)and theenvironment would get polluted.

I think the structure of the above paragraph is great. You state your argument, give evidence for your point, then analyse the effects of the factors. I would suggest that instead of using 'our town' you'd directly name the town you're referring to (again, if you're talking about an imaginary town, make something up!) The second sentence needs tweaking: something more like 'The world-class universities that [town name] hosts have attracted both local and foreign students.' Perhaps talk a little about how this influx of students from around the world benefit the town - more students means more skilled workers to the area and increases demand for housing, both of which benefits the economy... etc etc.

I would recommend giving examples when you talk about the new infrastructure facility developments in the town: for example, '...in terms of highways (such as the new trans-city bypass completed in 2012)'. Giving specific examples focuses your argument, making it stronger.

You say 'Adding a supermarket would worsen all these issues further'. Why? Expand on this sentence and the one that follows it, giving evidence and analysis with specific examples, and you will have strengthened your argument significantly.

This library has been there for the last thirty years. This provides great benefits to the local and foreign people as well. Many students in ton (again, I imagine you intended to use a different word here) area go to this library for their studies and this consists of ancient books which really helps them to understand how our ancestors live. They are very valuable for carrying out research and resolving curiosities. Last but not least, The elderly people of our community sit there for hours enjoying the latest newspapers and magazines, which enables them to remain up to date with knowledge about their surroundings.

The first sentence is clumsy. A much stronger introductory sentence would be '[town name] Library has been a town institution and a pillar of the community since its opening thirty years ago.' Why do you distinguish between 'the local and foreign people'? I would instead refer to the 'community' or 'the people of [town name]'. When you discuss the towns' students, a stronger sentence would be: 'Students who have come to rely on the library as a valuable resource have taken full advantage of its wide range of study materials.' Is there a reason you specifically refer to ancient books that teach students about how our ancestors lived? Surely this isolates the numerous other fields studied by the towns' students? I would suggest omitting this particular reference and leaving it more open. It would also be useful here to refer to the point you might make above about the value of the students to the town's wellbeing - if the library is closed, this would have a knock-on effect on the quality of the students' results, which may have a damaging effect on the students' job prospects and therefore the towns' economy. Poorer student results could also deter prospective students from applying to the university in future. The more you discuss the effects of the library's closure in detail, the more you strengthen your argument. I suggest you spend a similar amount of time discussing the implications on the closure of the library on the elderly, which you've touched on.

You've discussed the implications of the library closing, so I would also suggest spending at least one paragraph discussing the negative effects of the opening of the supermarket. Why are you against it? For example, might its cheap prices force local, independent businesses to close? Spend some time on this and your letter will benefit greatly.

So, I urge you to please reconsider your plan and drop the idea of a supermarket. People need the library more than anything else.

Hoping for a prompt consideration of this urgent request!

This conclusion feels a little rushed and informal. Perhaps something like 'I hope the points I listed above have made it clear that the closure of [library name] would have a detrimental effect on [town name], in terms of community and ecomony, and I urge you to reconsider the proposal. If you wish to discuss the issue further, do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours faithfully,
Harsha.'

Overall, I think your letter has the makings of a strong persuasive piece - you just need to tweak some errors and flesh out what you've already written. I hope you find my notes useful, and good luck with your work!

[harshaabba]

Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope your support in future too.

[saqibali]

Have you taken test?
whats the outcome?