please comment and rate my essay. Thanks

[suribright]

Topic task 2: Dieting can change a person's life for a better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?

Diet to loose a weight has increasingly become prevalent to the modern society. Some people strongly believe that our lives are better with diet while others argue that is harmful to the health of people. In my opinion, there are both sides of view. This essay will be proven each case by analyzing the pro and con of diet.

Admittedly, the diet is extremely important for someone in the overweight condition. For example, person being obesity needs to be on a diet otherwise their health can be consistently resulted in the dangerous situation. If they do not want to lose their body, they will take negative consequences for their life. According to researchers in the health science magazine, people with a suitable diet, their life will be longer than the one without it. Therefore, diet is serious necessary with the overweight ones.

In contrast, the diet is not benefited to the person with a physical weakness or illness. There are many cases of female models that were being dead because they did not obtain enough foods and nutrition for their body. In addition, if someone is sick, they should eat as much foods to again with the disease. Lacking of a provided foods or poor diet, it is definitely hazardous for the health. Thus, in this situation, diet completely should not be applied.

In conclusion, following a look at the above cases, diet can contribute to our life in the positive and/or negative way. It is depended on the particular condition of individual. Understanding about our health and body needed will be affected the way we take a diet or not.

(271 words)

[argho1985]

Topic task 2: Dieting can change a person's life for a better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?

The idea of choosing the correct form of eating so as to loose weight has been a topic of interest for many years.Diet to loose a weight has increasingly become prevalent to the modern society ( It some how sound not correct). Some people strongly believe that, our lives are better with diet while others argue that is harmful to the health of people. In my opinion, there are both sides of view. This essay will be proven each case by analyzing the pro and con of diet.

Corrected : You have uses the word diet a couple of times.. try to come up with similar words such as maintaining nutrition level or choosing the correct form of eating..

Firstly, the diet is extremely important for someone in the overweight condition. For example, person being obesity needs to be on a diet otherwise their health can be consistently resulted in the dangerous situation. If they do not want to lose their body, they will take negative consequences for their life. According to researchers in the health science magazine, people with a suitable diet, their life will be longer than the one without it. Therefore, diet is serious necessary with the overweight ones.

To begin with, nowadays individuals suffering from obesity are encouraged to follow a proper food regime which helps them in understanding the importance of living life in a healthy manner. For example, fitness centers in Australia provides training to various people having overweight problem by providing them with proper exercise patterns and food intake. As a consequence, it overtones their personality and confidence level.

However, certain reviewers still argue that, too much of food resisting can lead to illness or other inherent health problems. It has been noted that, people following a food chart still complains about the energy levels. The reason can be due to high possessing of carbohydrates rather than equal variation of other sources such as proteins and sugar. As a result, looking at a longer term, these individuals suffer from hypertension and other heart related diseases.

Therefore, to sum up, it is clear that maintaining intake in food levels leads in giving positive and negative results to a particular body. However, in order to irradicate the bad side effects, it is recommended that , a person should take same proportions of food types consisting of proteins, carbohydrate and sugar.

In contrast, the diet is not benefited to the person with a physical weakness or illness. There are many cases of female models that were being dead because they did not obtain enough foods and nutrition for their body. Lacking of a provided foods or poor diet, it is definitely hazardous for the health. Thus, in this situation, diet completely should not be applied.

In conclusion, following a look at the above cases, diet can contribute to our life in the positive and/or negative way. It is depended on the particular condition of individual. Understanding about our health and body needed will be affected the way we take a diet or not.

(254 words)

Hi Sunbright,

You did a great job in reducing the word limit but guess you repeated the word " Diet" a number of times. However the second part of the question ask that dieting completing ruin a persons body.. You need to find reason why.. may be imbalance of food sources leads to illness.. it is not " diet is not benefited to the person with a physical weakness or illness".

Hope you understand..

Argho

[suribright]

Hi Argho,

Thank for your comments. Yes you are right to say that there are several diet words in my essay and good idea to change to different form. Your essay is so good to me. It looks like a professional diet man . Several words I do not know such as carbohydrates, hypertension . It is so difficult to me to write such good essay in 40'. I think idea of the writing task 2 is very important since the topic will be very general. We do not know what will be. Sometime I feel if we are lucky we have a enough things. What is your strategy to overcome this issues?
Thanks!

[argho1985]

Hi Argho,

Thank for your comments. Yes you are right to say that there are several diet words in my essay and good idea to change to different form. Your essay is so good to me. It looks like a professional diet man . Several words I do not know such as carbohydrates, hypertension . It is so difficult to me to write such good essay in 40'. I think idea of the writing task 2 is very important since the topic will be very general. We do not know what will be. Sometime I feel if we are lucky we have a enough things. What is your strategy to overcome this issues?
Thanks!

Hi Suribright,

I am also an ordinary guy who is giving IELTS for the second time as in my first attempt I got only 5 in writing. We know that, the topic will be very general, so in that case choose those ideas which are only relevant and are answering the topic.. and think of catchy words having the same meaning in order to avoid repetition. Make sure your linking words sounds OK when you are re reading your essay for the second time. Once everything is on track you will be fine..

Hope I do good on 12th July..

Argho