IELTS Plz help me edit and check some grammar mistakes Thx
Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2014 1:53 am
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, whether high school students are required to do some unpaid voluntary services in the community during their high school study has sparked a heated discussion. I fully agree that volunteering activities should be a mandatory part of high school plans since those activities benefits students in terms of well-rounded development as well as balancing between study and life
High school curriculum should include volunteering activities such as working for a charity because unpaid community services are good for students’ well-rounded development. In fact, developing young people into an excellent all-rounded person is what the society wants to. Such kind of well-rounded personalities can be achieved by doing volunteering activities. This is especially true when people consider the fact that community services help senior high school students learn how to respect others, how to lend a helping hand to the people who are in need or how to be thankful for all the things they get from other people. At the same time, they feel a huge sense of satisfaction each time when they do good deeds like improving neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children. Under these circumstances, volunteering activities cultivate a right moral value for students regarding how to become a social person physically and psychologically
Furthermore, senior high school students are the main beneficiaries of taking part in a variety of unpaid community services because those activities can greatly balance their heavy schoolwork. It is widely acknowledged that senior high school students face invisible pressure stemming from university entrance examination. Therefore, they spent all time doing assignments without doing enough exercise, which is a especially common phenomenon in Asia countries like China, Japan or Korea. However, the truth is that long time exposure on academic books is likely to lower study efficiency. Hence, volunteering in community services makes students balance their abundant homework. In this way, they can study while working in the community service, which further enhances their study efficiency.
In conclusion, I believe that unpaid community services are not only good for students’ physical and psychological development, but also good to balance abundant homework
Nowadays, whether high school students are required to do some unpaid voluntary services in the community during their high school study has sparked a heated discussion. I fully agree that volunteering activities should be a mandatory part of high school plans since those activities benefits students in terms of well-rounded development as well as balancing between study and life
High school curriculum should include volunteering activities such as working for a charity because unpaid community services are good for students’ well-rounded development. In fact, developing young people into an excellent all-rounded person is what the society wants to. Such kind of well-rounded personalities can be achieved by doing volunteering activities. This is especially true when people consider the fact that community services help senior high school students learn how to respect others, how to lend a helping hand to the people who are in need or how to be thankful for all the things they get from other people. At the same time, they feel a huge sense of satisfaction each time when they do good deeds like improving neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children. Under these circumstances, volunteering activities cultivate a right moral value for students regarding how to become a social person physically and psychologically
Furthermore, senior high school students are the main beneficiaries of taking part in a variety of unpaid community services because those activities can greatly balance their heavy schoolwork. It is widely acknowledged that senior high school students face invisible pressure stemming from university entrance examination. Therefore, they spent all time doing assignments without doing enough exercise, which is a especially common phenomenon in Asia countries like China, Japan or Korea. However, the truth is that long time exposure on academic books is likely to lower study efficiency. Hence, volunteering in community services makes students balance their abundant homework. In this way, they can study while working in the community service, which further enhances their study efficiency.
In conclusion, I believe that unpaid community services are not only good for students’ physical and psychological development, but also good to balance abundant homework