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Writing task 2. Your comments please.

Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2014 3:43 pm
by Kieu Oanh 0304
Subject: Illiteracy has traditionally been viewed as largely a third world problem. However, it is becoming apparent that in countries such as USA and Australia, illiteracy is on the increase. Discuss possible causes for this and its effects on society.


These days, it is believed that illiteracy has conventionally been alerted as a global phenomenon in undeveloped countries. Besides, this big matter becomes growing considerably in developed nations such as American and Australia. Some reasons and effects of them on society will be further discussed as follow.

In poor countries, the Governments do not have enough policies and budgets to support education. There are not many schools in resident areas, and they are so far and have no convenient transportation from home to class. Furthermore, the propagation for essential literacy has not been applied by government officials to citizens. Besides, the parents are basically illiteracy, so they do not have consciousness to require and encourage their children to go to school. The illiteracy is a cycle. Most of the families are poor, the adults just care for earning money to satisfy basic needs everyday. The children even have to work from the early age, so these tiredness and difficulties in their life lead them to quit school when they even can not read and write their own name.

This issue not only occurs at poor nations, but also becomes a big matter at developed countries with full of all conditions for education. Any troubles have their reasons, in these places the parents are so busy for their business instead of responsibility for their children’s education, and these children interact the modern technology equipments so soon, which is the reason for becoming addict games and might play truant to satisfy their hobbies.

As a consequence, the young generation will make the future, but the increase of illiteracy has much impact on society. In undeveloped countries, there lack high-level employees, which create a stagnate economy. In addition, the cutting-edge and modern tools are seemly hard to interact. The illiteracy is one of the reasons for social issues such as criminal acts, poor infrastructures and health problems. In particular, the more illiteracy the developed countries have, the less competitive ability they get which ruin their reputation in many fields.

In conclusion, the illiteracy must be considered and overcome in over the world to develop in globalization currently.

Re: Writing task 2. Your comments please.

Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:16 pm
by Kieu Oanh 0304
Please help since it is very important to me. Very appreciated !

Re: Writing task 2. Your comments please.

Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:49 pm
by johnsky
There appears to be too many grammar, sentence, spelling mistakes. Your ideas are not in order, word choice needs to be a lot better, presentation is not to the standard. Conclusion should be one paragraph, you should look at sample essays, and fix the fundamentals before attempting to write a whole essay.

Re: Writing task 2. Your comments please.

Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 3:31 am
by cranford cliff
agree this is not a good answer.

Para 2 is about 'poor countries' , but this is not the topic.

The Introduction should give some idea of your answer, eg.:

Rates of Illiteracy appear to be increasing in some developed and industrialised countries. There may be many reasons for this , but the main one is .......... The effects on society may include having a poorly trained workforce, alienated youths who turn to crime and drugs .... etc.

Re: Writing task 2. Your comments please.

Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 3:41 pm
by Chi
Hi Oanh,

Having read your essay, I found that you are still quite weak in developing logical reasoning. Perhaps you are not familiar with the issue of illiteracy in general. Why don't you try to educate yourself with this matter first before attempting your answer?

Besides, it is important to understand the question. It's apparent that you didn't since your answer was about the causes of illiteracy in third world countries instead of in the developed countries. This might be the case when you skimmed through the question and thought it was similar to the one that you have came across. Ielts questions could be about the same issue, but the focus varies and you need to read it carefully in order to provide a appropriate answer.