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Grade my essay & help me to improve, I am clueless -20d mre.

Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 5:28 pm
by madjokr
some people think that spending a lot of wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Other however think that these are necessary for individual and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Wedding and Birthday parties have their own importance in everyone’s life. These occassions helps individuals to bring people together. It is also to be noted on how much money being spent on those parties. Lets discuss about their significance is following paragraphs

Firstly, Birthday and marriage parties are moments that fortifies relationship with our neighbours and friends. Those occasions gives us an oppurtunity to meet old friends in our busy life schedule. Moreover, marriage celebrations are the one that occur once in any persons’ life. Those moments provides a platform to share happiness with others. For example, In India, marriages celebrations are given a great importance. Some religions considers it as a ceremony rather than a party.

However, being more extravagance is not really good for the individuals. There are some people who spend all their savings on these celebrations to show that they are spendthrifts. It is so obvious that even banks started providing loans for marriage celebrations in countries like India. This may result in paying loans through out their life. A term “Big fat wedding” is coined by media to show how much wedding parties are important and the money is being spent.

In conclusion, it is really important to have parties and celebrations. These moments are the one to be captured and not meant to be forgotten. On the other hand, it is also crucial to be considerate on how much money being spent on those occasions.

Re: Grade my essay & help me to improve, I am clueless -20d

Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 1:31 pm
by durai
Weddings and birthday parties have their own importance in everyone’s life. These occasions help individuals to bring people together. It is also to be noted how much money being spent on those parties. Lets informal discuss about their significance in the following paragraphs
you misunderstood the topic," money spent on celebrations" , but you narrow it to weddings and birthday parties. these are given for examples..

Firstly, birthday and marriage parties use ' wedding ceremonies" are moments that fortifies relationship with our neighbours, relatives and friends. Those occasions give us an oppurtunity to meet old friends you giving same point again, in different words in our busy life schedule. Moreover, marriage celebrations are the one that occur once not true in the western world, in any persons’ life. Those moments provide a platform to share happiness with others. For example, in India, marriage celebrations are given a great importance. Some religions considers it as a ceremony rather than a party. after all you need to mention why it is worth to spend such money

However, being more extravagance is not really good for the individuals. There are some people who spend all their savings on these celebrations to show that they are spendthrifts. It is so obvious that even banks started providing loans for marriage celebrations in countries like India. This may result in paying loans through out their life. A term “Big fat wedding” is coined by media to show how much wedding parties are important and the money is being spent. well, you need to discuss both sides, here discuss why it could be a waste of money

In conclusion, it is really important to have parties and celebrations. These moments are the one to be captured and not meant to be forgotten. On the other hand, it is also crucial to be considerate on how much money being spent on those occasions.


less number of words 241 you will be penalised for this , grammar errors and poor choice of words
looks band 5.5

Re: Grade my essay & help me to improve, I am clueless -20d

Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:01 am
by madjokr
Thanks alot for the feedback.