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essay task 2- plz grade my essay

Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:42 pm
by sathiya
In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people( family,friends,colleagues) are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and wealth take second place. Argue in support of this claim.

In this modern world, people are driven by money and material, striving hard throughout their life to obtain this possession to stay happily. Most of them do not understand the secret of being happy is through well established relationship with family members and friends. Though work and money are needed to meet the demands, it is considered to be ineffective to bring happiness to people. This can be evidenced by comparing the lives of celebrities with an ordinary person.

Firstly, many famous personality in this society live alone and found to have empty appearance on their face with regards to money and material they possess. Take an example of film actress lives, many of them became addicted to drugs and very few decided to end their life. This is due to their poor relationships with family members, friends and colleagues. Thus, it explains possessing money and material fails to bring happiness to people,only people relationships with one another succeeds in making a self happy.

Secondly, people who are surrounded with positive family environment can lead simple healthier and happy life. This boost an individual to achieve the target in life which in turn provides satisfaction to an individual. Recent statistics taken in an Asian countries reveals high in geriatric population and this is due to their happiness of being cared by their family members. This clears the importance of having well established relationships with family members and friends to achieve personal happiness.

On the whole, the life of an ordinary person with strong family support is considered to be the best than celebrities lives in achieving happiness. It is agreed an individual's relationship with family members,colleagues,friends most important to stay happily in life rather than money and material.

Re: essay task 2- plz grade my essay

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:14 am
by durai
just a quick look...sathiya..


In this modern world, people are driven by money and material, striving hard throughout their life to obtain this what 'this' refer to? possessions to stay happily. Most of them do not understand the secret of being happy is through a well established relationship with family members and friends. Though work and money are needed to meet the demands, it is considered to be ineffective to bring happiness to people. This can be evidenced by comparing the lives of celebrities with an ordinary person. only one central point, what you will discuss in the second supporting paragraph>

Firstly, many famous personalities in this society live alone, and found to have empty appearance on their face with regards to money and material they possess. Take an example of film actress lives, if you name a particlular person, you are giving strong arguments many of them became addicted to drugs and a very few decided to end their life. This is due to their poor relationships with family members, friends and colleagues. Thus, it explains possessing money and material fails doesn't mean that, it takes second than other relationship, if you say having money won't give happiness, then you are not answering the questionto bring happiness to people, only people relationships with one another succeeds in making a self happy.

Secondly, people who are surrounded with positive family environment can lead simple healthier and happy life. this point is not outlined in your intro.This boost an individual to achieve the target in life which in turn provides satisfaction to an individual. Recent statistics taken in many Asian countries reveal ( because 'statistics' is plural-subject high in the geriatric means old people ? population and this is due to their happiness of being cared by their family members. This clears the importance of having well established relationships with family members and friends to achieve personal happiness.

On the whole, the life of an ordinary person with strong family support is considered to be the best than celebrities lives in achieving happiness. Therefore, it is agreed that individual's relationship with family members,colleagues,friends is most important to live happily than money and material.

Re: essay task 2- plz grade my essay

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:34 am
by sathiya
Thanks durai for sparing your time in evaluating my essay.