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Topic: Some people believe that every company should keep equal number of both men and women .Do u agree and disagree?
In today’s world, the balance between the number of both male and female in several fields put emphasis on the menager. Some people claim that all company should maintain male and female employees equally. From my point of view, I totally disagree with this
One of the most disadvantages of making an equal in every company is that employee numbers in each company might not be similar. It is clear that different companies specialize different sectors such as tourism and commercials. Therefore, having the same number of men and women on all company is simply unrealistic. It is reasonable to say that in a heavy industrialized zone the proportion of men is surely higher than those of women. In contrast, in a children care center, there are more women who work in because the occupation requires careful and thoughtful people.
Another drawback is that choosing proportion of employees is likely to be based on abilities and other factors, but genders. In a little more detail, employers seem to select the best candidates for vacancies in their company in terms of qualifications and skills in that sector. For example, in Samsung company there is about 99% male workers who can communicate in English and have highly skilled and out of the total, only 1% female. Additionally, several factors such as knowledge or working environment are shown in order to identify the number of workers.
In general, I believe that the selection of employees should be based on merit and it would be both impractical and unfair to change to a selection procedure based on genders.
Which band I can get?

In today’s world, the balance between the number of both male and female in several fields put here unclear, what is put emphasis means emphasis on the manager. Some people claim that all companies should maintain male and female employees adjective wrongly usedequally. From my point of view, I totally disagree with this full stop

One of the most disadvantages of making an equal equal what , you made big assumption here in every company is that employee numbers in each company might not be similar. not a good topic sentence It is clear that different companies specialize in different sectors such as tourism and commercials. Therefore, having the same number of men and women on all companies is simply unrealistic. It is reasonable to say that in a heavy industrialized zone the proportion of men is surely higher than those of women. In contrast, in a children care center, there are more women who work in because the occupation requires careful and thoughtful people. its about managerial posts , but you have discussed, different topic...

Another drawback is that the choosing proportion ? of employees is likely to be based on abilities and other factors, but genders. In a little more detail, employers seem to select the best candidates for vacancies in their company in terms of qualifications and skills in that sector. For example, in Samsung company there is about 99% male workers who can communicate in English and have highly skilled and out of the total, what is ' out of total' means only 1% female. Additionally, several factors such as knowledge or working environment are shown in order to identify the number of workers. again unclear, though I get central point , it is not referred back to thesis, so your argument lacks importance

In general, I believe that the selection of employees should be based on merit and it would be both impractical and unfair to change to a selection procedure based on genders. your conclusion is clear, however it has a few grammar issues and word choices

in my opinion,

you need to work on several factors, first try to answer the question, with a solid structure, then work on grammar, your vocabulary is fine but learn how to use it accurately,

above looks band 5.5 ( I am not an assessor)