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Task 2: Please review and assess.

Posted: Fri May 02, 2014 7:43 am
by simar178
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Since decades technology has come up with may tremendous development in every sector and it has been a matter of debate that it is responsible for demolishing ones country's traditional, therefore people carry different views on whether to conserve ones traditional values or not as it may results in waste of time and efforts.

Certainly it is true that technology has gifted us unimaginable modes of comfort in every walk of our life to turn lives happier and easier. Electronic mails, is one of the best examples of technology which serve ease to connect and send messages to recipients living integral parts of the world knowing the fact that it has come over the hand written letters but due to its trusted acknowledgment and fast service these are highly being used all over the world.

Furthermore, with the introduction of high quality equipments in the field of medical science for curing ones disease have saved severals lives which has also helped the country to mount unbelievable goals for mankind although, it has replaced traditional Ayurvedic treatment which use to be one of the best option to curb the disease permanently.

On the other hand, some people assert that irrespective to technology changes one should look after their traditional skills and try to conserve them for their future generations which will instil sense of traditional traits in their minds.

Hence, it is well proven that technology has been working for the betterment of the humans' lives since decades and it is fruitful to accept and enjoy its gift rather than sticking to old traditions.

Re: Task 2: Please review and assess.

Posted: Fri May 02, 2014 2:43 pm
by durai
Over the last few decades, technology has come up with many tremendous development in every sector. (avoid very long sentences)It has been a matter of debate that it is responsible for demolishing ones country's traditional. Therefore people carry different views on whether to conserve one's traditional values or not as it may results in waste of time and efforts. Where is your opinion

Certainly it is true that the technology has gifted us unimaginable modes of comfort in every walk of our avoid personal pronouns life. "to turn lives happier and easier" you already said comfort, so don't give same point again in the same . Electronic mails, no comma, very basic punctuation error because you separated subject is one of the best examples of technology which provides easy connection and send messages to recipients living integral parts of the world. don't go long sentence , it may distract the real meaning of sentence It has been overcoming the hand written letters, and due to its trusted acknowledgment and fast service these what do you mean by "these"are highly being used all over the world.

Furthermore, with the introduction of high quality equipments in the field of medical science for curing one's disease, ( use comma if subjetc is very long have saved several lives that has helped the country to mount unbelievable goals for mankind. A lthough, it has replaced traditional Ayurvedic treatment which used to be one of the best options to curb the diseases permanently.

On the other hand, some people assert that irrespective to technology changes one should look after their traditional skills and try to conserve them for their future generations which will instil sense of traditional traits in their minds. unclear paragraph, whatever you trying to say, you need to explain with examples

Hence, it is well proven that the technology has been working for the betterment of the humans' lives since it's evolution, and it is fruitful to accept and enjoy its gift rather than sticking to old traditions.


One main thing i can see is you are trying to write very long sentences, just avoid it. If you write long sentences it doesn't mean that you are skilled writer instead it should be understand by the reader. overall the progression is good. Only one thing if you try to look other side, look it out completely by giving examples and explain completely, otherwise it may lower task response score.

Otherwise your grammar is good and CC distracts because of long sentence formation.

Overall good essay, looks band 6 to 6.5 ( I am not an assessor)