Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better lime to be alive than now.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
At times when we have prevailed over infectious diseases, have abundance of sustenance and are constantly engineering better ways to live in a society. It is in fact true that being alive in today's era is truly remarkable as you get to experience a sort of apotheosis firsthand. I believe that the present times are in a way much better than our past.
It wasn't long ago when the bubonic plague took out one-third of Europe's population or when polio was considered a serious non preventable ailment. The times when sanatoriums were brimming with people withering away from leprosy. All of this seems like a forgotten nightmare thanks to the ingenious discovery of penicillin by Sir Alexander Fleming which brought the era of antibiotics and eradicated many dangerous and often life threatening diseases. It also prolonged our life expectancy considerably as we were able to defend ourselves against diseases which took us down by the millions.
As the technology progressed, so did our understanding of the human body and how it functions. Doctors and surgeons in the last century perfected their craft to an astounding degree. We have procedures where almost all of our vital organs can be replaced except the brain. Now advancement in genetic study has led to some unconventional and frowned upon practices where babies can be modified in vitro to have desirable qualities.
However, with our sight on the future, we humans have actively been working on automating everything around us. Many traditionalist have expressed their concern over our constant fluidity. Some echo of the time when things were simpler and humans were peacefully co existing on earth. Now they fear that the humans are actively changing the course of this one home that we share with the rest of the species.
In the end, If we look objectively compared to a hundred years ago our lives have improved a hundred folds. We have technology connecting us around the globe, a huge variety of foods, access to medical assistance and many other facilities. The present is definitely an exciting time and future promises to be even more surprising than our present.
writing task 2 please evaluate
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goldcoastielts
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Re: writing task 2 please evaluate
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Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
At THE PRESENT MOMENT we have prevailed over infectious diseases, have AN abundance of FOOD AND FUEL and are constantly engineering better ways to live in (delete 'a') society. It is in fact true that being alive in THE CURRENT era is truly remarkable as you get to experience a sort of apotheosis firsthand. I believe that the present TIME IS in a way much better than our past.
B1:
It wasn't SO LONG AGO THAT the bubonic plague DECIMATED one-third of Europe's population or (delete 'when') polio was considered a serious non-preventable (add hyphen) ailment. The times when sanatoriums were brimming with people withering away from leprosy (THIS IS NOT A SENTENCE). All of this seems like a forgotten nightmare thanks to the ingenious discovery of penicillin by Sir Alexander Fleming which brought US INTO the era of antibiotics and eradicated many dangerous and often life-threatening (add hyphen) diseases. It HAVE also prolonged our life expectancy considerably as we ARE NOW able to defend ourselves against diseases which took us down by the millions.
B2:
As (delete 'the') technology HAS progressed, so HAS our understanding of the human body and how it functions. Doctors and surgeons in the last century perfected their craft to an astounding degree AND we NOW have procedures where almost all of our vital organs can be replaced except the brain. NEW advanceS in genetic stud HAVE EVEN led to some unconventional and frowned upon practices where babies can be modified in vitro to have MORE desirable qualities.
B3:
However, with our sight on the future, we humans ARE NOW actively working on automating everything around us. Many traditionalistS have expressed their concern over our constant fluidity AND some OF THEM echo SENTIMENTS of the time when things were simpler and humans were CO-EXISTING MORE peacefully on earth THAN THEY ARE NOW. Now they fear that the humans are actively changing the course of this one home that we share with the rest of the species.
CONC:
In the end, If we look objectively compared to a hundred years ago our lives have improved a hundred FOLD. We have technology connecting us around the globe, a huge variety of FOOD, access to medical assistance and many other facilities. The present is definitely an exciting time and THE future promises to be even more surprising than our present.
GREAT JOB! However, I think it might be a bit long, and at places reads a little like a novel or article rather than an academic essay. The tone is very important, and it is something you are capable of getting right I think.
Advice:
1. "non-preventable" and "life-threatening" should be thought of as single-word adjectives.
2. Sometimes you got a little confused about time, as in B1 "were able" vs. "are able".
3. Sometimes the present perfect is more suitable than the simple past, as in the first sentence of B2.
4. "even" is a very nice word for adding subtle meanings of comparison (last sentence B2)
5. 'a hundred fold' not 'folds'
Band-score:
TA: 7.0
G: 7.5
V: 8.5
C: 6.5 (a lot of the sentences were not really linked to other sentences)
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
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Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
At THE PRESENT MOMENT we have prevailed over infectious diseases, have AN abundance of FOOD AND FUEL and are constantly engineering better ways to live in (delete 'a') society. It is in fact true that being alive in THE CURRENT era is truly remarkable as you get to experience a sort of apotheosis firsthand. I believe that the present TIME IS in a way much better than our past.
B1:
It wasn't SO LONG AGO THAT the bubonic plague DECIMATED one-third of Europe's population or (delete 'when') polio was considered a serious non-preventable (add hyphen) ailment. The times when sanatoriums were brimming with people withering away from leprosy (THIS IS NOT A SENTENCE). All of this seems like a forgotten nightmare thanks to the ingenious discovery of penicillin by Sir Alexander Fleming which brought US INTO the era of antibiotics and eradicated many dangerous and often life-threatening (add hyphen) diseases. It HAVE also prolonged our life expectancy considerably as we ARE NOW able to defend ourselves against diseases which took us down by the millions.
B2:
As (delete 'the') technology HAS progressed, so HAS our understanding of the human body and how it functions. Doctors and surgeons in the last century perfected their craft to an astounding degree AND we NOW have procedures where almost all of our vital organs can be replaced except the brain. NEW advanceS in genetic stud HAVE EVEN led to some unconventional and frowned upon practices where babies can be modified in vitro to have MORE desirable qualities.
B3:
However, with our sight on the future, we humans ARE NOW actively working on automating everything around us. Many traditionalistS have expressed their concern over our constant fluidity AND some OF THEM echo SENTIMENTS of the time when things were simpler and humans were CO-EXISTING MORE peacefully on earth THAN THEY ARE NOW. Now they fear that the humans are actively changing the course of this one home that we share with the rest of the species.
CONC:
In the end, If we look objectively compared to a hundred years ago our lives have improved a hundred FOLD. We have technology connecting us around the globe, a huge variety of FOOD, access to medical assistance and many other facilities. The present is definitely an exciting time and THE future promises to be even more surprising than our present.
GREAT JOB! However, I think it might be a bit long, and at places reads a little like a novel or article rather than an academic essay. The tone is very important, and it is something you are capable of getting right I think. Advice:
1. "non-preventable" and "life-threatening" should be thought of as single-word adjectives.
2. Sometimes you got a little confused about time, as in B1 "were able" vs. "are able".
3. Sometimes the present perfect is more suitable than the simple past, as in the first sentence of B2.
4. "even" is a very nice word for adding subtle meanings of comparison (last sentence B2)
5. 'a hundred fold' not 'folds'
Band-score:
TA: 7.0
G: 7.5
V: 8.5
C: 6.5 (a lot of the sentences were not really linked to other sentences)
