Writing Task 2 please evaluate

[habibka]

What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a car?

Nowadays, having a personal car is commonplace. Some families own more that one car.
But what are the benefits and drawbacks of owning a car? In this essay, I will look at both sides and try to draw some conclusions.

Let's start by looking at the advantages of owning a car. One of the main positives of owning a car is the freedom of traveling.
For example, last year I had to travel to a rural area which had no public transportation so I asked my friend to drive me there.
When you have a car you can drive wherever you want And you don't have to ask another person to do that for you. This can
make you more independent.

Another advantage is that it can be a more convenient way of traveling. I remember the day that I had to wait for the bus under the pouring rain and I got soaking wet. The car can be a comfortable way of traveling especially in bad weather conditions As you don't have to wait outside for public transportation. besides that, you can choose who you want to travel with instead of some random people that you might feel uncomfortable with them. Incessant travelers know that convenience is one of the most important aspects of traveling.

Turning to the other side of the argument, costs is one of the major problems of personal automobiles. Other than its own price, you have to pay regularly for fuel and insurance. Maintenance costs also add up to this list. Everyone must consider these costs before attempting to buy a car.

In addition to that, a car needs regular maintenance. You have to take it to a mechanic from time to time and also learn some basic mechanical skills, in case of emergencies. Sometimes you have to leave your car in the garage to be fixed so you should have prepared some alternative methods of commuting to your work.

In conclusion, apart from its benefits, it's also challenging to own a car. You need to weigh up the pros of convenience and freedom, and the cons of costs and maintenance. Personally, I believe the benefits outweigh any drawbacks.

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission habibka!! Please see my rewrite below ...

INTRO:
Nowadays, IT IS COMMONPLACE FOR PEOPLE TO OWN A CAR, AND Some families EVEN own more that one car.
But what are the benefits and drawbacks of owning a car? In this essay, I will look at both sides and try to draw some conclusions (GOOD!).

B1:
Let's start by looking at the advantages of owning a car. One of the main positives of owning a car is the freedom of BEING ABLE TO travel WHEREVER YOU LIKE.
For example, last year I had to travel to a rural area which had no public transportation so I asked my friend to drive me there.
When you have a car you can drive wherever you want and (small 'a') you don't have to ask another person to TAKE YOU THERE WHICH can
make you more independent.

B2:
Another advantage is that it can be a more convenient way of traveling. I remember the day that I had to wait for the bus under the pouring rain and (delete 'I') got soaking wet. The car can be a comfortable way of traveling especially in bad weather conditions as (small 'a') you don't have to wait outside INI THE ELEMENTS for public transportation. Besides (capital 'b') that, you want to travel people that you might feel uncomfortable with INSTEAD OF WITH SOME RANDOM PEOPLE. AFTER ALL, incessant travellers know that convenience is one of the most important aspects of traveling.

B3:
Turning to the other side of the argument, cost is one of the major problems of personal automobiles. Other than THE price OF THE CAR ITSELF, you have to MAKE regular PAYMENTS for fuel and insurance AS WELL AS maintenance costs THAT also add to this list. Everyone must consider these costs before buyING THEIR OWN car.

B4:
In addition to THE ABOVE, a car needs regular maintenance. You have to take it to a mechanic from time to time and also learn some basic mechanical skills, in case of emergencies. Sometimes you have to leave your car in the garage to be fixed so you MAY ALEO NEED TO PREPARE some alternative methods of commuting to your work.

CONC:
In conclusion, apart from THE benefits, it IS also challenging to own a car. ONE needs to weigh up the pros of convenience and freedom, WITH THE cons of costs and maintenance. Personally, I believe the benefits outweigh any drawbacks.

Advice:
1. I'm not sure if you meant to have 2 or 4 body paragraphs. 2 would be better!!
2. Make sure you use capital and small letters in the right places.
3. "it is" not "it's" (conclusion)
4. Try not to overuse the pronouns "I" and "you".

Somer very good points to this essay (ideas and some grammar) and others a bit weaker (structure) .
TA: 6.5
G: 6.5
V: 6.5
CC: 5.5

[habibka]

Thank you goldcoastielts for evaluating my writing. I'll do my best to apply your corrections in my next writings.

[goldcoastielts]

No problem good luck!!!!!