Please benchmark my essay with band 9

[saqibali]

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Free thinking and unchecked expression of new ideas is a necessary pre-cursor of innovations and of development of new advanced methodologies and hence to progress society. Therefore, some people suggest that artists should be given free liberation to express new thoughts and ideas while some refrain from this. It is argued that artists should be allowed complete liberty to express new ideas however, national political interests and religious interest should be properly checked.
National political interests should be given more preference on any open debate of new ideas. Sometimes, new ideas disrupt a political setup and distract people’s attention from core topics. For example, the idea of space mission was so interesting that it totally changed the public opinion and hence destabilized U.S.A. government in 1960. Such a political turbulence not only destroys a country’s interests, it also pushes its economy back. New ideas do not always give birth to new beneficial lifestyle, however, they might cause political disadvantage. Therefore, it is suggested that a government body should screen new idea before those are submitted for a nation’s discussion.
Religious sentiments should always be given more preference than introduction of new ideas. Sometimes, new ideas adversely conflict core and basic concepts of people. In such cases, people sentiments are disturbed and they feel uncomfortable. In a long run, such a move only pushes a society back in terms of economy and stability. For example, forcing people to eat any type of food disturb their religious sentiment’s which they respect very much. Therefore, it is recommended that government bodies should screen new ideas before those are presented for a nation’s discussion.
It is concluded that artists should be given total freedom to express their ideas and new concepts because it’s very necessary for advancement of a society. However, government’s bodies should check those new discussions for religious and political merits.