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Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.
to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion
My response :

People utilize language for self expression and communication. Every now and then a language disappear . In my opinion , having several globally spoken languages is better than having numerous . In this essay , reasons supporting this will be discussed.

To begin with , communication would be enhanced . This is because , having two or three patterns of communication would minimize occupational misunderstanding . For example , doctors could have less troubles about misdiagnosis , wrong management , and prolonged hospitalization owing to the fact of false interpretation of the patient complain . Furthermore, Tourism would be flourished due to the needlessness of translators and tour guide . So, this is a major reason why fewer languages are easier.

Another reason is that , social bonding between nations is eminent . In a world that utilizes narrow variety of communication methods the media , for instance, would find less variation between them. Consequently , less wars due to the banishment of races leading to one happy family that shares music , books and mentality.This should enable Sudanese ,for instance , to socialize with Ukrainians , whom they share no culture what so ever since they share the language and celebrities . Thus individuals in different countries are close together .

In conclusion , enhanced communication and social bonding between continents are great reasons explaining life easiness with few tongue colors. this might be best achieved by adopting English , Arabic , and French which are the most spoken as the world's only languages .

Hi alnour,

First of all, I'm a native English speaker based in Romania. I teach English to students of all levels, and help people like yourself with IELTS preparation.

Yours isn't a bad effort, but you fall into some common traps. Like many of my IELTS students, you use a lot of big words (too many, in fact) while making quite a lot of grammatical errors. You've got to be really careful with synonyms: not all synonyms are an exact match for the original word, and sometimes the substitute word can sound quite unnatural.

If you like I'll get my proverbial red pen out tomorrow when I have some time, and come back to you with an example of what I think you should be aiming for.

Cheers,
tasman

yes of course. this is the reason why i am posting here in the 1st place

Hello again alnour.
This is what I came up with:

People use language for self-expression and communication. Every now and then a language disappears, and some people might view this as a tragedy, but in my opinion, the existence of a few globally spoken languages is better than having numerous ones, some of which are rarely used at all. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for my point of view.

To begin with, communication would be enhanced. This is because a small number of languages would help minimize misunderstanding in the workplace. For example, doctors would be less likely to misdiagnose due to false interpretation of the patient’s complaint. Another beneficiary of the reduced number of languages would be the tourism industry. It would flourish because tour guides and translators would no longer be required.

Furthermore, relationships between countries would be greatly improved. If people from all corners of the world could readily understand each other, the cultural differences between them would narrow substantially. Consequently, there would be fewer wars because racial tensions would be eased; a world that shares music, books and film should be capable of living in harmony. The Sudanese, for instance, could then socialize with Ukrainians, since they would share the same language and celebrities, even though they previously had no culture whatsoever in common.

In conclusion, enhanced communication and social bonding between countries, even on different continents, are the main reasons why life would become easier if there was a reduction in the vast number of languages currently in use. This might be best achieved by adopting English, Arabic and French, which are among the most spoken languages today.

Now for some comments:

Paragraph 1.
When you say "Every now and then a language disappear[s]", there needs to be something to link that to the next sentence. "Having just a few languages is good" doesn't follow on from "sometimes languages die" unless you link those ideas in some way. You can see I've tried to do this.
"Several", to my British English ear, means a relatively large number, so I replaced that with "a few" which makes it clear that you mean a small number.
You used "having" twice. That's a little bit clumsy, so I changed one of them.
"Numerous" is a really good word, but you can't use it on its own here. Grammatically, it doesn't work like "several", "many" or "a lot".
"In this essay, reasons supporting this will be discussed." You've used the passive voice here. I think it's better to use the active.

Paragraph 2.
"Patterns of communication" does NOT mean languages! You can't use that as a synonym. Honestly, when I first saw "patterns of communication" I didn't know what you meant. Unfortunately, "language" doesn't really have a synonym in English, apart from "tongue", which we only really use in expressions like "mother tongue". If you want to avoid using "language", you could say "if everyone can perfectly understand each other" as a near-synonym for "if everyone speaks the same language".
"Occupational misunderstanding" - I know exactly what you mean, but those two words sound strange together. I deleted some of that sentence about misdiagnosis because I didn't really think it added anything.
"Complain" is a verb; you need the noun, "complaint".
"Would be flourished" should just be "would flourish".
"Needlessness" is a real word, but we don't really use it so it sounds strange.

Paragraph 3.
"Eminent" describes someone who is respected, and often famous, within their field. Stephen Hawking was certainly an eminent scientist, for instance. This isn't the word you want here.
"Communication methods" refers to email, phone, text, and so on, not languages.
You want to say "fewer wars" rather than "less wars". You should use "fewer" when talking about things you can count, like apples, people, or wars. "Less" is used with uncountable nouns like "milk", "money" or "information".
"Banishment" is quite an extreme word. It can mean getting rid of something completely, which is what I think you mean, but it's just too extreme.
"One happy family" is good idiomatic English (would be great for your speaking) but it's too informal here.
"Whatsoever" is all one word.

Paragraph 4.
"Great reasons" doesn't sound right here. "The main reasons" or "the principal reasons" or "the most important reasons" would be better.
"Life easiness" isn't what we say.
"Tongue colors" unfortunately only has a literal meaning!
"...which are the most spoken as the world's only languages." I didn't know what you meant here.

Some good stuff but quite a lot to work on. I always tell my students that fairly simple but correct English will score more highly than complex but incorrect English. Synonyms can often be a danger. Another thing: because you're describing a hypothetical world of few languages, you need to use "would" quite a lot.

A note about punctuation, which is most important when typing: You never put a space before a comma or full stop (period), but you always put a space after it.

One final note: I personally take the opposite view from you; I think having loads of languages is mega awesome and cool! But you won't (shouldn't) lose credit just because you take a different view from the examiner!

Hope this helps,
tasman

:/ i am aiming for ( 7 ) but i guess i am not even close considering the mistakes u found, could u check my other posts ,please !!!!
what do i need to improve??