problem and solutions essay

[ali15]

Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Today the education system is facing many difficulties. This can be seen where the behavior inside schools is getting worse and worse. It is believed that the main reason of this is the lack of discipline of students, and this leads to a huge difficulties for teachers to deliver information inside the classroom and also a dramatic decrease of academic grads. On this essay two possible solution will be analyzed for viability.

First, school must uphold a strict punishment for misbehavior among students. For example, imposing physical punishment such as a number of slashes for bad behavior. When looking to these example, there is no doubt that students who were under this discipline and felt the pain of it will dare and misbehave again. Thus, it can be concluded that physical discipline act as practical way to tackle this problem.

Second, parents have to make their kids grounded for any act of bad manner. For instance, when kids show a bad behavior, they must be restricted of doing the things they love to do such as watching Television shows or playing outside with their friends. It is obvious that when looking at this example children will think twice before showing any bad behavior as there are a consequence for their action. Therefore, the effectiveness of this method can be seen.

After analyzing the method of imposing physical punishment in school and restriction of children from their favorites activities. It has been shown that bad behavior in school can be best tackled by these strategies analyzed above. It is hoped that these two solution are to be put into practice in the foreseeable future.

[Mark IELTS]

Hello!

Well the first thing I notice is that the introduction is as long as the main paragraphs, which is a bad sign.

First main paragraph - "will dare and misbehave again"? Are you sure?

In both main paragraphs, you tend to assume/assert that the results 'will' be as you claim, but you do not provide evidence for this.

Overall, you have answered the question, but in a limited way. The range of vocabulary and grammar is similarly limited, with poor use of modal verbs particularly noticeable.

All the best,
Mark

[ali15]

Thank you sir
i will try to work hard and improve in the area you have comment.