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Writing Task 2 - Improving public health by increasing sports facilities

Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 9:59 pm
by Zoranis
Hello,

Please assess my essay. Thanks in advance!

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Experts have different opinions about the benefits of increasing the number of sports facilities in public health. The divergence is if this will have a significant impact on public health or not.

While one can say that construct new sports facilities will not bring improvements to individuals, this is not absolutely true. Building new places for sports practice would allow people with a low income to enjoy an activity without spending money. Setting up a basketball court in an area with high rates of criminality could decrease the number of poor children who are willing to enter into a criminal life, for example. They will spend their free time playing a sport that can help them to receive scholarships for athletes. In addition, the costs of the public health system could be reduced. With more people practising sports, the less the government would spend to take care of sick individuals, because they will keep their bodies healthy doing activities.

Nevertheless, increasing sports facilities may have little effect on public health. Depending on the type of activity, an instructor will be needed to help people in order to not to get injured by wrong practice. Only building new courts may have almost no effect on public health, people will use them in a casual way, without discipline to do the activity right. Sports facilities easily will become a place for smuggling or illegal activities if the authorities do not do a regular maintenance on the place. In a short time, the sports facilities will lose their natural purpose, which is to help people to stay healthy.

Overall, besides the cons of constructing more sports facilities, I think that with a proper policy from the government to preserve these places functional, the public health surely will be benefited on a large scale.

Re: Writing Task 2 - Improving public health by increasing sports facilities

Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 11:36 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

Overall, a good essay. I think that the crime aspect is a little weak, and you do seem to focus on basketball, but your other points/examples are good and you do add some development.

Organisation is clear with good use of connectives.

Vocabulary and grammar are good. Be a bit careful with modals (will, could, etc.). There are relatively few errors.

These (small) problems could easily be solved and this would then be a very good essay!

Well done!
David

Re: Writing Task 2 - Improving public health by increasing sports facilities

Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 1:36 am
by Zoranis
Thank you David!