Kindly evaluate task2 we go to work to earn a cash

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Praoparn
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2016 5:52 am

Kindly evaluate task2 we go to work to earn a cash

Post by Praoparn »

It is often said that we should work to live, not live to work.
Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion. :D
In this era, people work harder for different reasons. Some people work to earn a living whereas some others live to work.

On the one hand, everyone needs a career to pursue in order to survive. Without works, there will be no income. Without money, there will be no food, clothes, medicine, and accommodation. Those who support this notion might argue that humans are not solely born to work, but they are born to enjoy their lives on earth. In other words, there are more than works for people to do. A person might consider travelling to broaden one’s horizon. Ones might choose to follow their dreams and do what they want.

On the other hand, a few people believe that they should make a concerted effort to work; they might even make a meal of work. These particular kinds of people are often successful in their careers. To illustrate, a scholar found a causal link between passion in work and the positions in the companies. If someone fell in love with their careers at first sight, he or she is more likely to do well at work. However, if someone gives up before even starting the work, this person is likely to fail.

In my view, people need encouragement to work. This can be either work itself or something else. If people had no purposes of living, what are they working for. Personally, both points of views are acceptable, depending on the types of people they are. As long as the reasons can push people towards their goals, any of these points will do.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Kindly evaluate task2 we go to work to earn a cash

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Great question!!!

First main paragraph - The first 3 sentences are wrong. Some people inherit a lot of money. Others rely on welfare. Then there is charity. The rest of the paragraph is, to me, a little incoherent. I'm not totally sure what you are trying to say ... or even which side of the argument you are supporting.

Second main paragraph - 'make a meal of something' has a different meaning. Again, I'm not completely sure which argument this supports. The success aspect suggests 'live to work' but getting a higher position generally means more money, so is that 'work to live'?

The conclusion is ... inconclusive ... any of these points?

Overall, I'm afraid this is a weak essay. Points are not clear and lack coherence. Vocabulary is used very generally and this affects meaning. However, grammar is good, with relatively few errors and a good range of structures.

All the best,
David
Praoparn
Posts: 27
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2016 5:52 am

Re: Kindly evaluate task2 we go to work to earn a cash

Post by Praoparn »

Hello! Thank you so much for your evaluation. They are all great advice:)
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