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Respect David Sir , please check my writing and suggest

Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2017 9:00 am
by Happy2326
Some people believe advertising causes more harm than good to society. Others refute this.
Discuss both view and share your opinion.

Answer:

Among some advertising is seen as a tool to mislead people by providing untrue information. Others argue that advertising plays an exceedingly important role in promoting business and in creating awareness among the community. Both points of view will be analyzed before a conclusion is reached.

In one camp, some commercials generally overrate the products and push people to buy products of little value. For instance, an advertisement may depict a boy, who has pimples on his face, surrounded by a group of pretty girls as soon as he applies pimple cream of a specific brand. Though many know that this is an exaggeration, they may still rush out and buy this cream to try it out. When the claims do not live up to their expectations, it can cause a lot of frustration. Thus, this is proved that advertisements can be used unethically to sell the inferior goods.

On the other hand, however, advertisements are really important from the following points of view: Firstly, these allow individuals to learn about the wide variety of products thoroughly and can easily compare the products of different brands. Therefore, they are able to select the commodities more rationally. Secondly, Advertising is instrumental in generating more employment opportunities and creating diverse kinds of jobs. It provides jobs to artists, screen printers, block-makers, script-writers, painter, etc. Thus, they earn and their standard of living is improved. Lastly, when a company gets its product advertised, it endeavors to improve its quality and lower its price rather than finding fault with the product of their rivals. In this way a healthy competition prevails in the market and the entire society stands to gain from it.

After looking at both sides of this debate, it is clear that the positives of advertisements outweigh the negatives of it. It is assumed that advertisements will continue to affect the behavior of shoppers positively.

Re: Respect David Sir , please check my writing and suggest

Posted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 8:59 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner
Hello!

This is a good essay. The first thing you need to do is explain why you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages (in the conclusion).

The range and accuracy of vocabulary is good. However, you need to work on the grammatical range a little. Use modals and adverbs to make your statements more precise.

You've got the basis of a really good essay here! Well done!
David