Task 2-Making changes in life. Please, correct it

[biancarpin]

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

It is hard for individuals to alter their living standards, customary activities and regular attitudes. In fact, avoiding changes can cause damage to people’s lives. Therefore, it is necessary to accept variations in our paths.

If someone refused to change, he or she would be stuck in a point of his or her trajectory. In other words, the person would not develop. Likewise, modifications are able to bring good elements to our lives; however, if variations didn’t exist, we would never encounter these benefits. For instance, children usually are not fond of going to a different school. They don’t realize that this new adventure could bring new friends and challenges that will make them more mature.

To modify this situation, one possibility is to widespread the act of consulting psychologists due to the fact that they are specialized in helping people to overcome their fears. Also, parents should be told how to educate their children in order to make them more confident people in the future. As the lack of confidence is one of the major facts in refusing changes, this would help to alter this situation. A further step is to organize groups and meetings in different cities in which people could discuss their problems in modifying their lives. These meetings could follow the example of the Anonymous Alcoholics.

To sum up, changes are a fundamental aspect of humans’ lives. Then, it is necessary to learn how to cope with them instead of avoiding them. There are different solutions to do so.

[Flick]

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

It is hard for individuals to alter their living standards, customary activities and regular attitudes.(<-- consider including a possible reason for this.) In fact, avoiding changes can cause damage to people’s lives. Therefore, it is necessary to accept variations in our paths. (<-- you've switched from third person (their, people, etc) to first person (our lives). Try something more like:

It is hard for people to alter living standards, customary activities and regular attitudes, usually due to fear of the unknown. In fact, avoiding changes can cause damage to people’s lives. Therefore, I believe it is necessary to accept the variations and alterations encountered in every day life.

If someone refused to change, he or she(<-- remove this, it isn't necessary) would be stuck at a point in his or her(<-- remove this) trajectory, unable to advance. In other words, the person would not develop. Likewise, modifications are able to bring good elements to our lives. However, if variations didn't exist, we would never encounter these benefits. For instance, children usually are not fond of going to a different school. They don’t realize that this new adventure could bring new friends and challenges that will make them more mature.

To modify this situation, one possibility is to encourage the act of consulting psychologists due to the fact that they are specialized in helping people to overcome their fears. Also, parents should be given advice on how to guide their children in order to make them more confident people in the future. As the lack of confidence is one of the major factors in refusing changes, this would help to combat the fear caused when encountering similar situations. A further step is to organize groups and meetings in different cities in which people can (<-- using 'could' creates a mixture of tenses) discuss their problems and seek advice in modifying their lives. These meetings could follow the example of Alcoholics Anonymous.

To sum up, changes are a fundamental aspect of humans’ lives. Therefore, it is necessary to learn how to cope with them and turn these situations into positive experiences instead of avoiding them. There are many different ways to do so (<-- consider adding a little more here. Like:
and I consider communication and open acknowledgement of the risks and benefits associated with each change encountered an excellent place to start).

Hi biancarpin,

You have made some good points in your essay. The changes I have suggested centre around elaborating on your reasoning. Your introduction and conclusion are good, but need to tie in to the body of your essay better - this is why I suggested adding a little bit to each of them.
Well done.

Flick

[biancarpin]

Hi

Thank you for your suggestions. What band do you think I would get?

[Flick]

I would expect you to get around the 6 band. You had good reasoning and just need a little bit more practice on getting it to flow.

[allen_zhang]

can anyone evaluate my version?

It is true that some people are reluctant to make changes in their lives. This could bring troubles to these people, especially in this ever dynamic world.

Modern societies have become increasingly challenging and dynamic. No matter how resistant a person is to changes, changes will always happen to his or her life. Thus, without the ability to adapt to new environments and challenges, people may find themselves in real trouble. For example, an employee may have been working in a company for years, from which he obtains a satisfactory salary and a comfortable working environment. He may never thought about learning new skills or knowledge and seeking for new opportunities. It could be a disaster to him or his family if he loses his job for some reason.

Since changes are inevitable in modern lives, the only solution to this is getting used to it and being prepared for it. Firstly, people should foresee and evaluate the risks in front of them on their life and career path. Being aware that changes always happen, people will be less surprised when the day comes. Secondly, people should prepare themselves for changes and even make changes spontaneously. For example, learning new skills which are demanded in job market could aid people in facing with changes in their career lives. They could even choose to jump out of their daily routine and enjoy an entirely new and exciting journey of their career.

To conclude, change is part of modern life and people should better prepare themselves to overcome any potential risks caused by any new challenges.

[yhjsaber]

Hi allen,

I do see your efforts to improve your essay and I notice some similarirties between your and my essays, such as the use of certain words and the sentence structure. However, I do not think that the last sentence of the first paragraph connects to your main point in any way. It seems to me that you are trying to introduce a new idea, which needs further elaboration as to what the reasons are for some people to lose their jobs. Are you trying to say that as these workers refuse to adapt to change through acquiring new skills, they are liable to be cast out from their companies? If this were true, then you would replace some reasons with aforementioned factors.

In addition, I still notice some unnaturalnesses in your essay (or gammar errors). Again, I am no expert in finding grammatical mistakes. However, I want to mention that I am a huge fan of your ideas, they are very persuasive and easy to understand, though sometimes they are not presented in a logical way. I would recommend you to read more and write down the sentences you like as I insist on doing everyday. Speaking of reading, I am half way through the second book of "Divergent" which is called " Insurgent". I have to tell you that they are the best books I have ever read that I can stop myself to memorise as much as I can. I am sure you will find them worth reading as I do.

Anyway, good luck with your writing and I hope we can help out each other more.

[allen_zhang]

Hi yhjsaber,

Thank you for your comments!

Since I am on my Ipad, it's quite inconvenient for me to write a longer answer. I want to say that I liked your essays as well. I read all of them and they are really helpful to me. I know that I commit grammatical errors hear and there, but I am just not sure about some sentences.

I will definitely read the books you recommended.

[rairaichan0323]

hi guys,

i am a bit confusing about the question. the first question is asking what kind of problems can this cause ? IS NOT asking " what the causes of this "

so what kind of problem it has ? i think both essays did not point out it.
pls go to this website, there is example essay of this question

https://www.facebook.com/IELTSExpert/po ... 4373409686

thank you‎