Please evaluate task 2 response

[arsa818]

Question : These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mother go out to work. What could be the reason for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Answer:

In past, usually male parent use to work to make both end meet for the family, however, it has been seen recently that more mothers are going for work while father stay at home to raise children. I would analyze the reasons behind this trend and quote some demerits.

Nowadays, there are many job openings that encourage women to apply and this trend is increasing the world over. I believe this is due to the fact that women, due to their nature, take work load more seriously than their male counter parts. Due to the fact that women have better time management skill and they can easily finish work at the given time frame. For example, positions of office sectaries are often offered to women workers because they are more organized in maintaining office order. Mostly, these jobs do not usually require physical hard work. Thus this ability of females workers encourages employers to appoint them. .

Moreover, Mothers take more responsibility in raising their children if compare with fathers. They knew all the need of their children and respond accordingly. For instance, mother keep proper check on their children's diet and if she find some deficiencies in their meals, she try her best to counter it. Secondly, fathers are not meant to stay at home, they are often find careless in the development to their pupils. Men could not perform the daily house hold tasks that women do. Female parent have to do it when they came back from work, which makes disputes in family relationship. Thus demerits of working women instead of working men can be seen.

In conclusion, it is true that number of working women, replacing men is increasing, due to better job opportunities. However, this growing trend has more negative impacts on family relationship and development of children, rather than positive.


Please evaluate expected Ielts Band score

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This essay is a bit of a mess. There are a LOT of unsubstantiated assertions. You need to provide support and evidence, not simply state your opinion as unsupported fact.

1. Introduction - Throughout history, women have worked. The idea that women working is something new is compete rubbish. Farming, handicrafts - women have been doing these things for centuries.

2. I totally support women working, but where is your evidence that they take their work more seriously than men? Where is your evidence that women have better time management skills?

3. You then kinda make a massive error by pointing out that many women are secretaries. If their skills are so much greater than those of men, why are they secretaries, not bosses?

4. Where does the physical work argument come in?

5. Are you saying that fathers are not good at giving their kids good food?

6. Men can most definitely do housework.

7. Women do not HAVE TO do housework - it's because of sexism and social norms, usually created by men.

8. Conclusion - not proven at all.

Overall, the essay is largely incoherent and clearly present untrue points as facts. Points are not developed. Grammatical range is limited and vocabulary is not used to create coherent arguments.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Question : These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mother go out to work. What could be the reason for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Answer:

In the past, usually the male parentworked to make both ends meet for the family. However, it has been seen recently that more mothers are going to work while fathers stay at home to raise children. This essay will analyze the reasons behind this trend and discuss the disadvantages.

Nowadays, there are many job openings that encourage women to apply, and this trend is increasing the world over. I believe this is due to the fact that women, due to their nature, take their work load more seriously than their male counterparts. Due to the fact that women have better time management skills, they can easily finish work within the given time frame. For example, office secretary roles are often offered to women workers because they are more organized and better at maintaining office order. Mostly, these jobs do not usually require physical labor. Thus, this ability of females workers encourages employers to appoint them.

Moreover, mothers take more responsibility in raising their children comparedwith fathers. They know all of their children's needs and respond accordingly. For instance, a mother keeps a proper check on her child's diet, and if she find some deficiencies in their meals, she tries her best to counter it. Secondly, fathers are not meant to stay at home as they are often careless in the development of their offspring. Men can not perform the daily house hold tasks that women do. Female parents have to do it when they came home from work, which causes arguments. Thus the disadvantages of women working instead of men can be seen.

In conclusion, it is true that the number of working women replacing men is increasing, due to better job opportunities. However, this growing trend has more negative impacts on family relationships and the development of children, rather than positive.


Please evaluate expected Ielts Band score